I’ve always wondered how a person differentiates between self improvement, things meant solely to improve your life, and conceits, things that just feel good or make you look good.
I would like to think of myself as wholly pragmatic (most people would) but that isn’t so. I have done many things in my life just for pleasure’s sake and usually with consequences. However I hope that I’ve finally outgrown this.
All I can do here is review some of these decisions.
Health
I never appreciated the amount of abuse that I put my body through in my younger days. By my late thirties my body was a wreck. I didn’t realize it at the time but my metabolism was working in overdrive to keep up with the massive amounts of calories that I was shoveling in. One day it quit. I began piling on the pounds, I was pre-diabetic and getting dizzy spells and realized my body needed desperate help.
My body has responded well to exercise and self control (far, far better than I have to right to expect) and I am now on my way back. Now below the weight that I once considered acceptable I am hoping to reach my own weight goal by the Fall and the accepted weight norms by next year. Whatever happens, this is likely be part of my lifestyle from now on.
Hair
My mother always wants me to do something with my hair. As if some exotic or new hair style will distract from the male pattern baldness that I see in my brothers, my dad, and every other male on both sides of the family. All I can do is keep it short as that seems to look best.
I don’t fear baldness. I fear the “comb over” stage that comes in between. Of becoming one of those old men that needs wigs, or transplants, or whatever to cling to their youth. I hope that I can be brave enough take it all off when the time comes.
Beard
Admittedly a conceit. I’ve always had a boyish face and perceived it as a minus. i never cared for that perception among my peers as I thought it made them take me less seriously. So I began with a mustache and graduated to a beard years ago. I may want to look younger one day and may shave it off but for now it stays. People know me by the beard and expect it.
Jewelry and clothes
My dad bought me an engraved silver bracelet for graduation. Never wore it. I loathe fancy things. They just seem so prissy and unnecessary. I do wear my Aggie ring but as a sign of fellowship to my fellow former students. i do also have a nice watch, which hasn’t had a new battery in years and probably needs one. Shows how much I use it.
In clothes I have become much more practical. Going from what was considered stylish and up to date to just wearing what feels comfortable has been a blessing. My life is simplified by not having to keep up with trends and fashions. I recognize the need for such types of clothes from time to time and I keep a suit handy (which is probably too big now) but other than that it’s a basic closet.
Life decisions or a lack thereof
I’ve wasted so much time on minutiae, little trivial matters, things that really weren’t worth my time. Chasing after a good time on the weekends, chasing petty little material goals, keeping company with people that weren’t worth my time. These experiences have given me a wealth of stories to tell but they haven’t really contributed that much to my situation.
When I got into social networking and started reconnecting to folks that I knew from way back when and they told me their stories of families, careers, and goals met I looked at my life and started to wonder where the time had gone. I started realizing that I had been living and reliving the exact same weekend for years.
I know that I never became a drug addict or an alcoholic or ended up in a bad marriage or any of the other serious pitfalls in life but I could have done so much better with what I was given at the time and that’s a painful realization to make.
I’m not saying that I have it all figured out and planned now or that it’s going to work out as I envision it or that it may not change.
I do however say that I am more awake now than I have been in years.
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