redressing the balance

I have been making some severe adjustments to my life lately  but I think I am getting a handle on them.

Going from a model which was centered on just my life to being a care giver has been stressful to say the least.  I wanted my forties to be a time of making improvements to my life, to get ahead, and to move my retirement plans forward and suddenly I got saddled with new responsibilities.

I honestly did not see how I could manage it all.  My thoughts were that my plans were totally ruined and had to abandon every hope and dream that I had.  I will admit to some desperation on my part.

But as is usually the case, when the worst thing you can imagine happens, it’s not as bad as it seems.  Life hit me hard this year but it did not finish me off.  I was able to hold on by my fingernails and by someone who bolstered me when I needed bolstering.

I am not going to move forward as planned originally.  That path is closed to me.  But then again neither am I going to move forward if I sit around feeling sorry for myself or being wistful for the old plan.  I have to embrace the new situation as is and plot a new route for myself.

Adjustments will have to be made and some have already been made.  Things are going to get better and not all of the old plan has been scrapped.  Some things in my life plan  I refuse to give up on.  They may not work out as I hope, and in fact it may be hopeless but I am not giving up on them.

I have only one real strength in life and that’s my stubborn nature.  I have to go with that strength and let it lead me forward.  That strength will let me find a new balance in my life.