backsliding

It’s amazing how easy it is to slip back into old habits and how seductive it is to consider returning to the old patterns of life.

Last week I ran into some “friends” I knew from way back in the 90’s.  These were some people who I knew from the clubs in the glory days of the Richmond strip area when it competed with Washington Avenue as the place to party in Houston.

Very friendly folk, they immediately began telling me about their lives since those days and about other people they we all knew.  They said I should really check back in with the clubs and bars and see what was going on.  I was half tempted to as I hadn’t been back to those haunts in ages.  That’s when it happened.

They began with all the gossip, all the petty rivalries, all the “dirt” about people we mutually knew.  Suddenly I remembered why I had left the club scene back then.

Bad habits are so easy to get back into.  The temptation to let it go and fall back into them is so overwhelming at times.  But it’s not just with people.  Set a pack of cookies or donuts near me for a day and see what happens to them.

A little voice in the back of my head quietly and quite reasonably asks “What’s the harm?  Why not just go back to what you know best?  Why go through the regimented diet, the exercise, all the hassle?”

I think back to three years ago (no, nearly 4 now) and how I felt back then.  The listless days of trying to fill in the hours between meals, the lack of useful purpose and the lack of direction that I had allowed myself to fall into.  I was living exclusively for the moment.  Don’t get me wrong, I got plenty of things done but it was all done without any plan or done on the spur of the moment.

But it’s more than just getting myself fit and getting my life in order.  There’s an old Aggie poem (yes, they do exist) that in part goes:

Fond memories bring a sigh — but nothing more;
Now we are men and life’s a greater thrill,

Reliving those old moments is pleasurable, for a moment at least.  But it’s not the type of life that I want for myself these days.  Thinking about it, I would not feel that it would satisfy me and I would feel forever miserable now that I’ve experienced more.

The way back no longer exists.  The path forward is the only way to go.