“There’s someone for everyone”
No there really isn’t.
I mean it’s a nice thought and all but just going by the raw numbers it’s a fallacy. Numerically, there are more men in the world than women. A gender distribution of 50.4% male to 49.6% female or a deficit of nearly 60 million women.
That’s just simple numbers. Then you figure in a host of other factors such as age, geographic distribution, preference factors, and others inputs and the facts can really get you down. Finding a “someone” is a bit of a challenge for the average person.
Bars, Clubs, Groups, book clubs, or whatever? I have a wide array of acquaintances but few friends and those few friends I cultivate over a long time. You can imagine how long it takes for me to decide that someone is special. Usually by then it’s too late.
You may ask “Can’t technology and the modern information era help?”
I’ve tried online dating and for the most part it’s been less than satisfactory. For all the technology, the search philosophies, and the paid services that they advertise, they are essentially all the same. Additionally, some deliberately skew results based on arbitrary factors.
Years ago I ran across this little gem of a video.
Basically the idea behind the video is that you could carefully use data, statistical analysis, and market research to find that person that you would want to spend your time with.
I liked part of the idea. Using data and statistics to see how many women there are in the greater Houston area that I might want to date. I put together a list of criteria fitting my own requirements, I then looked up some demographic information for the Houston area and ran the numbers. The results weren’t all that encouraging.
In a population of 1,045,000 women in the Houston area (2012 numbers) there were about 88 women that fit the criteria. I looked back through the criteria to see if I was being unreasonably picky. Some of the criteria: single, age between 36 and 45, college educated, relatively healthy, and attractive to me which I set at about 10%. I fiddled with the population size to include the surrounding communities and loosened up the tolerances but I never got over 513. No, not a scientific survey but it did give me some scope to the problem.
Searching for 513 (not to mention 88) women in a population of over a million and spread out over a 600 square mile area didn’t really seem like a doable task. A lot of knocking on doors and a lot of slapped faces.
But I mean even setting this aside. Supposing I find “the one”, the other part of the equation remains as an open question. Does “the one” like me?
That’s the part that always trips you up. Basically you have to run one set of equations on one side and the other person has to run the same equation and both have to hope that the numbers match up. Makes you wonder how people manage to hook up at all and also makes you think that maybe there’s a good reason why so many marriages end up in divorce.
But does this mean that I should just despair; just throw my hands up and quit looking?
No and yes.
Firstly, no. I am not throwing up my hands in despair and quitting. That’s just not me. I may quit for other reasons but never for despair. Long ago I once found love. It didn’t last but I’ve kept on trying ever since.
Secondly, yes. I am getting older and the biological imperative to find “someone” to procreate just isn’t as pressing anymore. I have several nieces and nephews already and for the most part the trend among people in my generation is towards smaller or no families at all.
Also, looking through some of the demographic data from the US census, the trend for older Americans to be single or to live alone, has been increasing since the ’90s. So I am not alone in this.
So will I keep looking? Sure. I will continue to look for that one woman who I can share adventures with, or live quietly with on a day-to-day basis, or just hold close. Someone that feels like my partner or co-conspirator in our escapades.
I think though that I might step back from the process for a while. Watch and wait for a bit. Work on myself and make my side of the equation a little more attractive.
I once wrote that one of my biggest fears was growing old alone. I hope that will not be the case. But I need to be prepared in case that turns out to be my future.
For now I’m fine with where I am at.
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