Author Archives: Admin

tending your relationship garden

 

Azalea time in Houston.  Late March 2014

Azalea time in Houston. Late March 2014

I don’t know why humans react to flowers.  Maybe it’s some sort of deeply ingrained evolutionary tendency that somehow promotes survival?  Who knows.  But along with things like art or music they seem to enhance life much in the way that relationships do.

I used to have more time for gardening.  Relaxing in its own way.  Gardening is not difficult and the results can be fairly predictable.  Plants are simple souls and their needs aren’t that complicated; food, water, light, and air.  Just the things needed for life.  Some people over-complicate matters and think that you need to sit around measuring exact quantities of fertilizer or use mist sprayers to water some plants. Foolishness.  Nature has been taking care of these needs long before we came around and plants did just fine without all this fuss.

The one thing that they do require that I don’t have much of these days is time.

Some plants of course need more time and effort than others.  Lawns are vast and green and other than the occasional fertilizing and watering in the Summer, they will do nicely on their own.

A Texas Live Oak that reigns supreme over my back yard.

A Texas Live Oak that reigns supreme over my back yard.

Trees will pretty much look after themselves.  At times they may need a pruning but more often than not they’re the ones taking care of us by providing shelter from storms and cover from the hot summer Sun.

Flowers are where it gets more involved.  If you expect them to bloom and give you the show that you want each Spring and Summer then you have to put in the extra time.  They need more water and food and weeding.  Really, it boils down to just more attention.  Of course you have those hardy perennials out there that do well in any circumstance but the one’s that put on the really bright blooms and best colors, those you have to spend more time with.

Relationships are a lot like plants.  If you look at your life you will see a vast green carpet of acquaintances.  People at work, at the market, from the gym, the internet, or wherever.  They just need a friendly “hello” from time to time and they’re happy.  They take care of themselves.

You have your trees, or your family but more specifically your parents.  They have towered over you and protected you since you can remember and just like trees they seem to be permanent.  For the most part they have no need for special tending and they stand by you no matter what.

But then you come to the flowers in your life.  You have the hardy perennials that will continue to bloom no matter what nature throws at them or how little you tend them.  They are your stalwart friends and will be there for you even if you’re not there for them.  Not the prettiest but the most reliable.

Although more dowdy than other flowers, this red Daisy has survived droughts, floods, and freezes and continues to bloom no matter what.  Yet it asks very little in return.

Although more dowdy than other flowers, this Gerber Daisy has survived droughts, floods, and freezes and continues to bloom no matter what. Yet it asks very little in return.

And of course you have your other flowers that do need your constant care.  Unlike perennials they will wither and die without you there.  They bloom due to the attention that you pay to them.  That’s what they need from you.  You may complain that they take up too much of your time but when they do bloom it’s well worth it.  That is the reciprocal nature of the relationship in exchange for your attention they return attention, care, and love back to you.

The people you want close to you in life need that extra attention, they deserve it.  I mean if the point is to create, preserve and even extend a permanent bond then care and attention must be paid.  No shortcuts are possible.

I suppose all I can tell you is that relationships are like flowers or teeth.  You only need to take care of the one’s you want to keep.

changing the world

Literally.

Back in school, engineering students would sometimes gather late at night and discuss their pet projects.  Pipe dreams, flights of fancy, or just whimsical notions.  Aerospace engineers dream of new planes, mechanical engineers of new contraptions and civil engineers of reshaping the land.  Most of these projects never come to anything.  We outgrow these ideas and turn to more practical matters.

But sometimes, some engineers keep these dreams going and sometimes these dreams are picked up by artists and writers and get expanded upon.  The prime example of this was Atlantropa, a plan to stretch a hydroelectric dam across the straits of Gibraltar.  Blocking off the Atlantic would lower the Mediterranean sea.  Thousands of square miles of new land would be ‘created’ along the coastlines.  A massive lake would spring into existence in the middle of the Sahara desert by diverting a couple of rivers and a new prosperous land would appear in north Africa.  This plan persisted from the twenties till well into the fifties.  Even though today it is the considered opinion that this would have been a huge environmental disaster if it had been implemented, the idea of changing the world in such a literal and drastic way is popular among some writers and engineers.

I also considered several of these type of projects but my speculation turned more towards space and specifically to terraforming, the deliberate use of engineering and science to turn a planet into something resembling earth.  One night in a study carrel some friends and  I hatched a mad idea that I would later expand upon on my own.

Professional engineers and scientists have seriously pondered terraforming, making computations and proposing solutions.  Mars has been judged as having the best chance of being terraformed.  Mars has the most conditions that are judged as favorable for becoming a second home to humanity.  Venus is another contender but has more grave problems.

The problem with most terraforming scenarios is that they don’t work on human time scales.  The most ambitious of these plans nudges and lightly prods at Mars and produces marginal results in about 100,000 years.  Future humans could expect to walk on the surface of Mars without respirators and wearing full parkas in the freezing and dim perpetual twilight of a distant midday sun.   Most of their lives would be spent in underground tunnels and future Martian generations could never return to Earth due to the difference in gravity.

Could you imagine all of humanity fixed on a single goal for a hundred thousand years with such a dubious prize at the end?  Me neither.

A more radical, some might say dangerous or even mad approach is required.

Cataclysm Induced terraforming.  Using what would normally be considered mega scale disasters to induce carefully regulated changes and alter the environment to suit humanity’s needs.

First we define the problems.

Mars is:

  • cold
  • has virtually no atmosphere
  • has no magnetic field
  • has a limited amount of water

on the other hand Venus is:

  • hot
  • has a literally crushing and toxic atmosphere
  • has no magnetic field

In general terms these neighbors of ours fall into the edges of the “Goldilocks zone”  The distance away from the sun that can sustain life as we know it.  Most of their problems stem from their general position with relation to the Sun.

Mars, at the cold end of the zone, lost its internal heat and the geothermal power to help keep it warm.  Possibly this also ended its magnetic field.  Without this magnetic protection solar winds then ravaged the atmosphere and surface and have been slowly ripping bits of atmosphere away for millions of years.

Venus, at the hot end of the zone, saw its liquid water evaporate into the atmosphere and mix with airborne sulfur to create dense and impenetrable clouds of sulfuric acid in its upper atmosphere.

At first blush it would seem that the solution would be to swap these planet’s positions.  But that would not work.  Mars would become a blasted hot rock like Mercury and Venus would slowly grow cold and resemble some of the Jovian moons.

Rather both planets need to come closer to Earth’s orbit.  Mars a little closer in than Earth is and Venus a little farther out than its current position.  In essence we would become the fourth planet out from the Sun.

Planetary orbits are fairly easy to calculate.  Mostly they involve the planet’s mass, speed, and the Sun’s pull upon these bodies.  Altering these orbits would involve the use of some errant mass (such as a large asteroid or comet) or a massive thermonuclear device applied in the correct location and time.

Altering the path of a large comet to strike Mars would also have the benefit of introducing water and organic materials into the planet.  Altering a comet’s path isn’t as hard as it sounds.  Satellites have already orbited asteroids and comets and have even landed on an asteroid.  Guiding a satellite with a small nuclear charge to the proximity of a comet and then detonating it would serve to alter its path.

Venus has some bigger problems.  The atmosphere has to be thinned out.  Moving the planet back from its current position will help solve some of that.  With less energy entering the system some of the particles in the atmosphere will begin to settle over time.

We could speed the process up by constructing giant tanker ships to siphon the upper atmosphere sulfuric acid clouds and then transport them to Mars.  Once there the tankers would be deliberately crashed onto Mars.  The resultant combination of the iron oxide on the planet surface with the sulfuric acid would yield Iron Sulfate salt and water and of course the crash would inject massive amounts of energy into the atmosphere helping to warm the planet and release sub-surface water and carbon dioxide locked in the planet’s soil.

As conditions improve on both planets we could introduce living agents to speed up the terraforming process.  Extremophiles are microorganisms that thrive in extreme environments.  They have been found living underground at great depth and pressure, in acidic pools near volcanic vents, in Antarctica enduring extreme cold, at high elevations in the atmosphere and even in nuclear reactors.

Mars would benefit from blue-green algae (actually a bacteria) that thrives in cold areas and only needs water and carbon dioxide to grow.  This would begin changing the atmosphere to Oxygen.  Oxygen itself is a very transformative element (see the great oxygenation event in Earth’s history).

Venus would benefit from bacteria that dine on sulfur compounds and re-release them as solid waste.  This would help thin the atmosphere more and set the stage for future waves of microorganisms to step in.

The most serious problem that these planets share is the lack of a magnetic field.  Cosmic radiation is a deadly killer and our magnetic field has shielded us from this.

One suggestion for Venus is that if the planet’s slow rotation could be sped up then a magnetic field could be induced.  This would be done by guiding large asteroids into close orbit.  The “drag” from these would pull on the planet and make the rotation speed up.

For Mars the solution would be more direct.   Mars lost its magnetic field when its internal heat diminished and all geothermal power failed.  This would have to be restarted by direct intervention.  Deep drilling projects are already feasible and advanced planning could come up with a design for a deep drilling self piloted vehicle that would make its way to the planet’s core to deposit and explode a large nuclear charge deep inside the planet to re-liquify the core.  This would also provide the planet with radioactive materials for its core to continue the geothermal process.  This would have the side benefit of emptying out all our nuclear arsenals and help dispose of nuclear waste materials on Earth.

Now does this sound like the craziest thing you’ve ever heard?  Well consider the Dyson sphere.  A plan by a British physicist to create an impossibly gigantic metal sphere around the Sun and basically live on the inside of the sphere.  Or plans to “ignite” Jupiter and create a second Sun in our solar system with the purpose of turning all of Jupiter’s moons into livable planets.

If we sit down and consider the fact that the current planet we live on has increasingly limited resources and that our population just keeps growing and expects a higher living standard then the need to have a second or even a third home becomes if not apparent at least something worth considering.

We need to do something if not here on Earth then some place else.

 

 

 

 

 

flaws

“My flaws define me. My mistakes teach me. My experiences mold me and my decisions build me.”

– Unknown

I have to be honest, I haven’t always had the best of relationships with myself over the years.  I don’t know quite where it started.  Possibly in junior high when I began to lag behind others physically.  Possibly the day that I learned that my vision was shot and I would need glasses.  Maybe when I realized that I wasn’t quite as smart as I thought I was.

Whenever it was, one day I decided consciously or subconsciously to let these flaws take over every aspect of my life.  They determined what I would and would not do, what I could be or could not be.

If something didn’t turn out right then it was the fault of my flaws and in some ways I could take comfort in that.  That was my excuse for not trying harder.  I loaned my flaws too much power and allowed them to shape my existence.

About four or five years ago I decided to stop my general decline and to get my life back in order.  Back to what I wanted it to be.  One of the first things I had to do was to not blame my flaws but to reconcile myself with them.  I had to accept my flaws for what they were but neither blame or empower them, just be at peace with them.

My flaws or rather my differences define who I am.  They determine what I have to work with and give me a road map to see how I will accomplish things.  These are the tools that I have to work with so I better make the most of them and learn to love them.

My mistakes have taught me not to use my differences as excuses for not doing things.  I need to look back upon this hard-won wisdom and apply it to the present and future so I won’t have to repeat these lessons again.

My experiences have molded my life into its present shape.  I have to accept that.  I cannot go back and alter my experiences.  All I can hope for is that my experiences from here on out will re-mold that life into what I want.

My decisions will build my life.  I can decide to dwell on the past and not get things done, to hide within my flaws and use them as reasons to cower.  Or I can decide to see each day as a new opportunity and to figure out ways to use my differences to my advantage.  I can decide to build my life in the way that I want it to go.

My flaws are not flaws at all.

learning to relax

I’m watching an angry green blob dance across my smartphone screen.  That green blob is a thunderstorm and currently it may be passing me or it may just be reaching me.  I can’t tell.  It’s 3:41 AM, I’m in my running gear, it’s raining and I’m beginning to think that I won’t get my run in today.  I get edgier and edgier as the clock moves towards 4 A.M.  I’ve had my day off this week and I really don’t want a two-day break from my work out.  I’m considering just going and chancing the rain and lightning anyways.

It wasn’t always so.  I used to be the opposite in fact.  I would use any excuse not to go out for a run.

“It’s 96 degrees out instead of 95.  too hot”

“I wore this yesterday, can’t wear it twice in a row”

“I’m 2 minutes too late.  Can’t go today”

The rain is coming down steadily on my roof.  I can’t tell if this green blob is moving towards or away from my house.  I look it up on the desktop.  Zooming in as much as possible.  Straining to see if this is going to cancel my run or not.  If it lets up soon I may still be able to go out.

I used to be so good at relaxing.  It was second nature to me.  Time off and time to my self were the most important parts of life and I marveled at the fact that some people had problems trying to relax and unwind.  My priorities were so much different when I was younger.  I once spent 18 hours straight playing an online game one time.  Something that I still take perverse pride in.  I only quit because the game owners brought the system down for maintenance.  Carefree days back then.  Not so much anymore.

3:52.  The rain has decidedly slowed but will it pick up again?  The radar says it probably won’t.  A rumble of thunder in the distance.  Maybe I should wait a bit.  If I do a speed run I may still be able to afford a quick rinse in the shower to get the worst of the brine and mud off me before work.

When I began walking and then running I had to break my sedentary habits that I had cultivated for decades and commit myself to this type of life.  In doing so the new paradigm of working to exhaustion took root over many long and hard months.  Forcing myself to crave exercise took awhile but I got it done.

At the same time I had to recognize that my body needed time to repair itself and to sort itself out each week.  So I took one day of rest and away from exercise each week.  Two days a week, specially two days in a row had become unacceptable.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a someone that lives with a barbell attached to my hand and that does reps while talking on the phone or who lives in the gym.  In fact I could probably stand more exercise in my life.  But I do have some minimums that I have to keep up in my life and I don’t want to slide below my minimum level.

The rain has slowed enough.  Got to go…

the black cauldron of science

“Can you find my lost shoes?”

“Do you have 24 hour a day video monitoring over my cheating boyfriend’s house?”

“Is there treasure buried under my farm?”

I get these questions all the time.  People seem to be under the impression that there are squadrons of satellites overhead and that they watch each and every one of us with minute detail every minute of every day.  What’s more these satellites can see everything.

I blame Hollywood for part of it.

We’re not quite there yet.  But this post really isn’t about the dangers of the surveillance state.  I will save that for another day.  It has more to do with the public’s relationship with science and the perception that science is the modern-day equivalent of magic.

It really isn’t a modern phenomena either.  Particularly in our country’s history we’ve fallen under the sway of science’s siren call.  Look at the 19th century traveling medicine show, or all the quack applications of electricity or radiation (electropathy, the X-ray shoe sizer, magnetic therapy).

In the middle ages we had the promise of alchemy and magic to capture the public’s imagination and promise solutions to even our most conventional problems.

Seems that little has changed.  The general public is little interested in the inner workings of science or magic.  Just as long as it works, they’re satisfied.

If you look at the above examples you see problems and concerns that really don’t need science to address.  The public could easily solve or sidestep these problems themselves but instead they choose to try to find the easy and convenient way out.

I suppose what really irks me about this attitude is that there is a total lack of understanding about the mechanics of science.  Not only that but there is a total lack of desire to understand the mechanics.  This is more than just willfully ignorant, it’s dangerous.

This sets the public up for all manner of abuse, fraud, and manipulation.

In my line I run into this problem quite a bit.  “Companies” based out of basements or boiler rooms and promising to locate oil, gold, and other valuable resources underground for clients and then collecting hefty fees and disappearing.

Not only damaging to the client who just wasted money but also damaging to companies that do honest work.

I tell people to take the time to double-check these promises and try to teach and inform them about what we can and cannot do with our technology.  I can’t outright call these other companies frauds and con-men but I do tell these potential clients to ask for references, to read up on the subject, and to just use common sense.

I don’t expect every person to become a scientist or read science journals but I would hope that they would use a little more common sense and look for the practical solution rather than the easy way out.

going the extra step

We live in a world where 40 hours a week sometimes doesn’t cut it anymore.  The advent of email, texts, and phone messages means that you’re reachable by your superiors or clients at nearly any time of day.  Challenges or opportunities can come up at any time and you’d better be able to answer them.

In a large corporation this doesn’t matter as much.  You have multiple teams of people to work on a problem or project and if you don’t do it then someone else will.  Either way the company prospers.  But if you’re in a small business then more often than not you have to burn the midnight oil.

I’ve had to do this on several occasions in order to write up proposals for clients that waited till the last second to request a quotation or to finish up projects by a particular deadline.  In particular I once did a 72 hour marathon session that other than for food or bathroom breaks I never left the computer.  Not something that I’m eager to repeat.

As an employer you do this because this is your company, your trade, your passion.  In essence this is you.  You are working on the embodiment of your ideas and your dreams made manifest in stone or on paper or in electronic files.  This business represents all that you are and hope you will become.  So you better be willing to put in that extra time.

So as an employee why do this?  I mean if you’ve signed a contract as an hourly or salaried employee and you put in your honest 40 hours a week then why go that extra mile?  Basically it’s all comes down to keeping the company going.  When you’re in a small business every contract is crucial no matter what the size is.  Not only are you worried about completing contracts and getting paid but you also worry about your reputation as a reliable source of products and services.  This indirectly impacts whether your next paycheck will be valid or will even come at all.

Just as a side note it doesn’t look good on a resume to note that the last company you worked at failed.  May not be your fault but it still looks bad.

Bosses should take note.  Specially when it comes to salaried employees that are putting in that extra time and effort to keep your small business going.  Note the cheerleaders that try and boost your co-workers spirits.  Note the go-getters that have the passion for the work and are always asking for more responsibility.  Note the supporting cast that do their work quietly and behind the scenes and are always quietly there for you.

Show appreciation.  Doesn’t always have to take a monetary form, though I would be lying if I said that workers don’t like more money.  But after a project is done (and I mean right after, I don’t mean 2 weeks later or at the end of the year) let them know you appreciate the extra work.  It’s a small company.  Walk around to their desks, cubicles, or whatever.  A 5 or less minute talk with each of them won’t take too much out of your busy schedule.  Ask if the project was too much to handle or if something could have been done better.

If they do something wrong you’re going to let them know about it, right?  Then let them know when they do something right.

Employees, realize that the small business owner has a lot at stake in this little company.  They not only have to keep an eye on your performance but on everyone else and they have to take care of a myriad of other details that you don’t even notice but take for granted.  They never get a 40 hour work week.  You can always walk away and find a new job, they can’t.  They’re there for every up and down.

They feel each failure deeper than you do.  Reach out to them when they need it.  Listen to what they have to say and do it their way.  Cut them some slack.

To both sides, reach out, talk, understand.  You’re in this together.

reviving my palate

Earlier in the week I got corralled into going to a fast food place by one of my relatives. I’ve avoided fast food places like the plague for the last year and a half.  Not my idea of good food but I had no choice in the matter.  I didn’t want to be rude.  So I ordered something that I used to order.  The basic burger, french fries, and a drink.

I should have been rude.

The unsweetened ice tea was basically just muddy water with little to no resemblance to tea, yet it was the highlight of the meal.  The fries tasted like oil soaked cardboard.  Correction, salt covered and oil soaked cardboard.But the main impression was that of eating oil.

The burger merits its own paragraph.  A sad, wilted green leaf masqueraded as lettuce.  The pale red slice of vegetable may have been a tomato at one time.  The meat if it could be called that gave only a cursory performance as something that might be edible.  The only recognizable part of the meal were the hamburger buns.  They were most definitely made from processed flour.

I couldn’t finish it.  I put it back in the sack.  It made me feel slightly ill afterwards.  How was I able to stomach this for so many years?  How did my taste buds get so jaded that they found this edible for all those years?

This Friday I decided to erase that taste from my lips.  I went to one of my favorite restaurants.  I’ve known about Kasra’s Persian grill for over ten years and it has maintained its high quality standards by preparing simple food using high quality ingredients and not trying to skimp on the cooking process.

As I sit down the busboy delivers a fresh and hot taftoon bread along with a plate of herbs, goat cheese, and radishes.

I started with a basic black tea brewed from tea leaves and served in glass cups with real sugar cubes.

Along with this a Persian salad.  This is just diced cucumbers, tomatoes, and onion with some spice and a vinaigrette sauce.  Everything is fresh.  Probably just prepared within the last hour.  The cucumbers and the tomatoes vie with each other trying to prove which one is sweeter.  The onion adds a lovely kick.  A little bit of lemon juice elevates the salad to nirvana.

I could end the meal right there and be happy.  But the entree is just as divine in its own way.  Chenjeh is basically just chunks of grilled sirloin.  When you get a good steak then you really don’t need to spice it to make it taste good.  Most people make the mistake of getting their steak well done.   This robs the meat of its flavor and turns it into a hard burnt chewy mass.  I understand the health reason for getting steaks done well done but hey, I eat sushi so I’m willing to take the gamble.  Always get your steaks done medium, you will see what I mean.

Alongside this comes the grilled veggies.  Zucchinis, squash, onions, and tomatoes.  Just singed with grill marks on both sides.  Crisp and crunchy and full of their own flavors.  Basmati long grain rice with a crisp, clean, almost nutty aroma.  I can taste each element of the meal.  They complement each other perfectly.

Well prepared ingredients without a hint of preservatives and cooked in a healthy way.  I realize that every meal can’t be this good but does everyday food have to be bad?  Can’t we insist on good fresh food?  Do we have to rely on salt to make things palatable?

Try it yourself.  Get off the junk food wagon for a month and then try a fast food meal and you’ll see what I mean.

Protecting yourself online

I sometimes look at my friends on social media and wonder how they haven’t had more problems before.  I look at their profiles and they share so much stuff that it boggles the mind.

If you ever do a search on yourself you will be amazed at what you find with even the most lazy search.  I’ve found lists of my old addresses, phone numbers, possible relatives, even the value of my house.  That’s just for basic information.  Who knows what is out there available for a small fee!

Add to that the fact that people will post all sorts of private details online and accept friend requests from anyone and I just can’t believe that people live like this.

So some basic tips for staying safe online.

1.  User names.  Unless absolutely necessary never use your full name for usernames or email addresses.  You’ve no clue how useful that is to hackers and various other online predators.  Use abbreviations of your name, use pseudonyms.  Never use partial numbers from your social security number or drivers license or address in your username or address.

2. Restrict access.  All social media now has privacy features.  Use these features.  Don’t let just anyone peruse all your details.  Even persons close to you don’t need to know everything.

3. Cleanup.  Maybe you have an ancient account that you never use, maybe a photo or article from some event held ten years ago lists your birth date or address or some bit of personal information.  Go online and do a deep search.  Not just on one search engine but several.  Delete those old accounts if you don’t need them anymore.  Try to remember old emails too and delete them as well.  Most websites will gladly edit out details on old articles for you if you ask.  Sure it takes time but it would take more time to clean up the mess that a hacker could create from impersonating you.

4.  Catfishing.  Someone will contact you and pretend that they know an old friend.  Then they hit you up for a loan or to go into business with them or worse.  Follow up this reference with that supposed mutual friend.  Ask for other details.  If they really are a friend of a friend then they shouldn’t mind a few questions.

5.  Live offline more.  Online sites are great for connecting with other people but they shouldn’t be the be all end all of your life.  Connect online but live offline.

the limits of self help

If you were lucky enough to read the magazine Omni back in the late 70s or 80s you probably saw the ads in the back of the magazines for things like biofeedback monitors.

The basic idea was that if you were able to monitor things like your pulse, blood pressure, and breathing that you could consciously exert control on these and improve your health.  So they sold all sorts of monitors for measuring these things.

Although biofeedback monitors had some real world benefits and did provide some help to some users, some of the other things advertised were somewhat dubious in nature.  Ads for healing crystals, magnetic bracelets, courses on releasing your inner energies abounded in the back pages of the magazine.  I never really paid them any mind and set them next to things like the x-ray specs of comic books.

But self-help or self-improvement is a huge field.  if you go to any modern bookstore you will find isles full of books on topics such as improving your health, finances, relationships, and just making your life better on your own.  As with the biofeedback monitor the idea is that if you are able to define the problem and becoming aware of what is causing it, then you can take steps to improve your situation by conscious effort.

In the last few years I’ve devoted my efforts towards self-improvement in several different directions and so far the results have been more than I’ve expected.  In fact it’s ridiculously remarkable.  It’s good to see the dividends from these efforts finally begin to roll in.

But at the same time I am aware that there are limits to what I can achieve.  For example, I am never going to be a world-class marathon runner.  I do have plans to run a marathon within the next 2 years (I’m actually hopeful for 2015, but 2016 is more likely) but I know that I will not have a world record time.  Why do it then?  Because preparing for a marathon gives me an excuse to run and improve my health.

Some might caution me about setting my goals too low.  That I should make my expectations open-ended and go out and get as much as I can of any part of life.  I suppose that there is something to be said for that.

Right now though I am taking on the goals that I know I can achieve.  I want to build upon these small victories and then take bigger gambles.  After being at a low ebb for several years my confidence is building and once again I am starting to feel like my old self.

A rough start

A couple of weeks ago I posted about my 20th anniversary out of school.  It brought back memories of that December graduation in 1993 and the events thereafter.  It also made me think how that time frame went a long way towards shaping the next 20 years of my life.

My last semester in college and you’d think I could just cruise through it on auto-pilot.  Not hardly!  If anything it was the most challenging of all my semesters.  I was taking the most advanced research and computer classes I could before graduating.  I knew that my financial situation would not be great after school even if I landed a job immediately so I wanted to be current as possible before I got out into the big bad world.  On top of that I was taking elective courses like civil engineering surveying and environmental sciences to cross train as much as possible and have a wide range of knowledge.

I wanted to be a rabid football fan but I just couldn’t spare the time that fall.  I spent as much time as possible buried in books and classes that I had to give up much of my social life too.

Besides all of that I was worried about what all college kids worry about.  Finding a job.

I was in Colorado the previous Summer at a field camp doing some geology classes.  We were all sitting around in a beer garden one night after class when I had the realization that this was it for me as far as formal school.  That final vestige of childhood was being stripped away from me and for better or worse I was going to be fully on my own.

I took advantage of the school’s placement resources when I got back to campus that Summer and all through the Fall.  I wrote up a resume as best as I could and taking all the counselor’s advice and used the school’s print center to run off as many copies as I could.  Among other disadvantages, I would be without a computer or a printer.  I wouldn’t have a personal computer again till 1995.

So we skip ahead to finals week.  I had my classes well in hand and I was boxing up my apartment.  My lease was also ending so I had to be packed and ready to leave.  I had applied to get a refund for my utility and rent deposits.  The resumes I had sent out so far had yielded no results yet.

The registrar verified I had no outstanding loans or library books and cleared me to graduate.  I stepped out of the office and sneezed.  That was a sign of things to come.

I made my goodbyes to my friends.  I was much more socially awkward back then and really didn’t know how to handle such things.  In particular I bid goodbye to one young lady I really liked.  She still had a year to go in school.  We promised we’d write and we did for a while but I think we both knew we’d never see each other ever again.

The night before graduation and I’m deep into packing up.  I’ve got a raging headache, it’s unusually cold for early December.  I’m feeling even more miserable.

My parents show up.  They want to take me to dinner but I beg off and go to bed.  The next morning I can barely get out of bed.  My sinuses are pounding and graduation is an hour off.  My parents and other family members are waiting for me.  I take some cold medicine to keep me going an somehow I stagger to the graduation.  I’m dizzy, nauseous, coughing, and miserable.

Michel Halbouty, a legend in the Texas oil industry, hands me my diploma and shakes my hand.  I barely notice him.  It’s all I can do to keep from falling over.

After graduation my parents realize just how sick I am.  They pack up the rest of my stuff and drive me back to Houston.  I spend the next 2 weeks in bed with the flu from hell.

So I started my adult life after college in a sick-bed with a couple hundred bucks from deposit refunds, a car that was on its last legs, no girlfriend, and no job.

It would in fact take me six months to land my first job.  I had several false starts with recruiting agencies and want ads in the paper but I finally landed the job I would have for the next 8 years.  I got the job by walking in and asking for it.  And it wasn’t due to my degree or my work experience but by trading on my “computer expertise” and working for a small consulting company whose execs knew even less than I did about computers.

I started at 6 dollars an hour and felt like the biggest failure ever.  This is what I went to college for?  Over time of course that improved and my job skills would expand and my responsibilities would make me a more valued asset at the company but it was difficult to see the upside back then.