Category Archives: Attitude

The new old age

May 2, 2015 6:59 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I was out at an actual rock concert this week.  I don’t mean a concert by some local band but an actual large arena rock concert.  I can’t remember when I did this last.  Certainly not since college and possibly even since before that.  I was even more of a square back then than what I am now.

I went to see The Who on their 50th anniversary tour.  It was a toss-up between this or Rush in May but I figured this may be my last chance to see this band so I opted for this.  I figure Rush has another 10 years left in them at least.

I was worried I might look out-of-place at a rock concert.  Being a middle-aged dude at what is usually a young person’s event.  What would I wear?  Should I try to look more “punk” or “hard rock”? Would people think “what is he doing here?”  Boy, was I totally wrong.

If anything I skewed towards the younger end of the spectrum and the more grungy end of the clothing.  I arrived at the Toyota center and I wondered if I got there on the wrong night.  The place was full of “suburbanite-like” people.  These people are here for the rock concert?  Where are all the long-haired hippie type people?  Then I realized that they were right there in front of me.

I bought a concert t-shirt and headed up to my seat.   I was walking round the giant stadium and passing some folks using walkers.  I sat down and proceeded to do some people watching, one of my favorite pastimes, as I waited for the concert to start.  A few rows down was a guy that looked like a silver-haired judge with his wife.  A guy sitting near me had a crew cut, wore a button down shirt and had penny loafers, and looked like he belonged in some office building instead of here.  Bit hard to imagine these guys as sixties teenagers jamming out to The Who but as soon as Roger Daltrey started belting out the hits they began coming alive.

Speaking of being alive, Daltrey and Townshend were amazing as they ever were.  They could still bring it.  It’s no wonder that they been touring for so long.  They were totally worth seeing.

I then began to reflect on what old age means now and what it might mean in the future.  It would definitely not be the “classic” definition of old age.  I mean of course the idea that at some point you “retire” from your professional life and also pretty much retire from interaction with your community. My dad unfortunately subscribes to this view of old age and has become set in his ways and pretty much refuses to try any new activity.  He frequently trots out the excuse “I’m just getting old” and with that refuses to consider trying anything new.

The new old age now focuses on transitioning away from the activities that you participated previously (an active work schedule, full social responsibilities, various commitments) to one that emphasizes relaxation and developing oneself.  Developing the body, developing new skills and interests, and just trying out other facets of life.  This is a far cry from the traditional model of just marking time and waiting for the end of life.

I find this oddly comforting and hopeful.  You don’t have to “quit” being you at some prescribed age.  You don’t have to “act your age” and not enjoy the music or activities of your youth.  You can still be you no matter if you’re 20 or 40 or 80.  Your life is yours to do what you want regardless of age.

Now more than ever I am thankful that I have begun taking care of my body.  I want to be able to enjoy what life has to offer and to contribute what I can to life for as long as possible.

Posted in: activities, aging, attitude, music

you are not the sum of your internet identity

April 10, 2015 6:42 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I am seeing more and more people being miserable online.

I don’t know if it’s just the time of year or something that has happened lately or maybe I just didn’t notice it but I am seeing this more and more online.

Not just on Facebook (although that’s the primary source) but on other social channels.  A sense of true dissatisfaction with one’s personal life.  People complaining that they’re going nowhere and not doing what they want to do.

I think it’s the reason why I am paying less and less attention to social media lately.  I still log on but I barely pay attention to the social media tabs anymore.

I asked two people privately why they were feeling so low and their answer was essentially that they saw the good news posted by their friends online and felt that their own accomplishments or lack thereof made them feel inadequate by comparison.  They also felt that if they couldn’t “keep up” or contribute their own accomplishments at a steady rate that they were not living a worthwhile life.

Ridiculous!

One of the flaws of the internet age is that people project themselves.  Life online and offline can be radically different.  People choose to project themselves in one way or another and it may not reflect reality.

Reminds me of a discussion I had with a high school classmate.  We were discussing going to the 20th high school reunion and he said  he would not go.  I asked him why and he said a lot of people will buy fancy clothes and rent expensive cars to make themselves look more prosperous than they really were.

I think we all do this in a way.  I know that I don’t share all my bad news and I’ve had a good dose of it this year but I don’t like to share it online.  What would be the point to share that with mainly acquaintances?  My friends know my problems already.

What I’d rather do is share positive news and hopefully cheer up or maybe even inspire positive change in people.

But I think even I have to realize that we are not the sum of all these posts online.  We are living, breathing, people.  We have to learn to see beyond the tweets and Facebook posts.

we have to make our real lives more important than our online lives.

Posted in: activities, attitude, internet, social media, social networks

relax

March 27, 2015 6:08 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I’ve been running full tilt this year.  Been keeping busy as much as possible and trying to get things done and trying out as many new activities as I can in my spare time.

I’ve been programming my spare time, mainly the weekends, for the last few months and I’ve been able to see and do a lot of cool and fun stuff these few months.

But inevitably you are going to get a weekend that you’re not going to have anything to do.  Now to clarify, I always have some chore or some thing to accomplish but I generally have more spare time on the weekends, generally in the evenings, to do something and I’ve been putting that to good use.

Like I said however, you’re going to roll into one of those weekends where either nothing appeals to you particularly, or the timing doesn’t work out, or you just don’t feel like doing anything in particular.

Unprogrammed time.  It happens.  In a way it’s a good thing.  Just a chance to let things settle down and let your mind relax.  We all need that sort of weekend from time to time.  At first I was a bit anxious about it as I thought to myself “come on, I have to have some “thing” to do”

But really this is just one weekend out of hundreds.  Maybe this will give me a chance to reflect, to take turn off the smart phone and just think, or at the very least just hit the reset button on my mind and start fresh on Monday morning.

Putting pressure on myself to have something to do is good in most cases but becoming fixated on that notion is not.  Using this time to really relax is a gift I should embrace.

 

Posted in: attitude, habits, hobbies, life in general, plans, rest, thought

Be awesome within your own limits

December 15, 2014 6:16 AM , Leave a Comment ,

The combination of my vacation and a video I saw a few weeks ago got me thinking about this topic.

On this vacation I did some things I had never thought about doing (surfing and zip lining), some things I had not done in years (horseback riding), and some things that took me to the edge of my abilities (ATV driving).

People are awesome video.

I did these things to varying degrees of skill.  Some with average skill like the horseback riding, some with no skill whatsoever like the surfing, some just by sheer determination (The ATV).  But I did try them all.

A good portion of the credit goes to my travel buddy for not only pushing me to do some of these things but for also allowing me to push myself into trying these things.

One thing I did not do however is to try to push myself over the edge of my capabilities.  I will probably never be featured in a video like the one of above of people doing amazing physical stunts.

These people probably spend an inordinate amount of time practicing and re-practicing these skills that they have till what they do seems nearly impossible, and that’s great for them.  As long as it’s their passion, let them do it.

For my part however it is enough that I tried.  As badly as I did in some cases I tried to do it.  Maybe some time in the future I will try again and get better, maybe not.

One thing that I can say for certain is that trying a new thing whets your appetite for trying all sorts of other new things.  You get the sense that you really have no limits if you adopt a more open frame of mind.

So if there is some skill or activity that frightens you or scares you or you just don’t know about, why not try it just once?  You don’t have to master it the first time out, you may not even have to do it more than once.  But the important thing is that you tried.

Posted in: activities, attitude

the winter slowdowns

December 5, 2014 6:34 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I’ve been going through a slow period lately and I don’t like it at all.  It started back in November.

First I missed a day of running, then another, and another.  I would only average four or five days of exercise a week and then this week I’ve barely done 2 days.  I have to confess it has me a little worried.  But it’s not just the exercise portion of my life, though that is the most apparent, I’ve felt myself slowing down all over.

My conscience has been going over it every day and my mind has been trying to find a reason for it.  At first I reasoned it was the change in the weather.  We had a somewhat strong cold surge early in the month and that definitely didn’t help things.  Hard to motivate oneself to go out into the freezing cold at 4 in the morning.  But the weather’s moderated.

On top of everything the fitness app I had on my smartphone updated and erased 15 months of fitness records.  I was just flabbergasted.  I sent off a quite angry email to the support team for the app.  All I got back was an automated email reply.  All those records gone.  Still can’t believe it.

Then I looked at my goals page and realized I had achieved most of them.  So maybe that’s part of the problem.  I did my “epic” 16 mile run, I ran a timed race (I did fairly well if I do say so myself), I hit most of my fitness goals for the year.  Now that I have most of that taken care of maybe I’ve got nothing to shoot for.

Of course maybe it’s the opposite and I have too much on my plate.  I’ve got a trip coming up and I’m running around trying to get everything prepared for the trip, and at home, and at work while I’m away.  Maybe I’m spread too thin.

It could also just be that with the end of the year at hand and with things coming to an end that my mind is slowing down as well.  Maybe come January things will go back to normal. I don’t have any studies or proof for this but I do see it a lot in the attitudes of people who I’ve known that they seem to start coasting and doing the minimal amount towards the end of the year.

I don’t know.  I just want to get back to feeling normal.

Posted in: activities, attitude, habits, life in general

strength

November 15, 2014 7:07 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I’m told that I put too much stock into movies.  Well, that’s just me.  I don’t take in all my information through the written word.  A good-sized chunk of the information that I take in comes through visually.  That’s one reason I take in little bits of movies here and there and save them to chew over later.

I had a long night working the other night and got to bed round midnight.  One of a series of long nights that I’ve had working on the job, on side projects, on writing, on my fitness goals, on life in general in the past six months.  As always I didn’t get half of what I wanted done and I felt eternally behind schedule.

I needed to wind down a bit.  Let the brain disconnect from everything that had filled my head.  I didn’t want to get caught up in a book and stay up all night long and I was sick of being online, so I flicked on the TV and surfed round till I came upon the movie “Men in Black“.  At that point the movie was on a short but fairly memorable (memorable to me at least) scene, where a younger character is being recruited by an older character to join the team:

J – ” Hey, Is it worth it?”

K – ” Oh yeah, it’s worth it…. If you’re strong enough.”

 

 

If you’re strong enough.

Was I just trying to make sense of my situation or was this synchronicity trying to make me come to terms with my life as of late.  If you’re strong enough.  Actually that’s a fairly accurate description of life isn’t it?

“The adventure that you get is the one that you’re ready for” is a phrase I once heard.  Campbell I think.

The reason why some people can casually stroll into a situation, command it, and thrive while others are flustered, barely thread water, and eventually sink under the weight of it all.

I’ve been stretching out in so many directions in the last year or so.  Maybe more than I ever have in my life.  I’ve been doing things that I never dreamed or even considered that I would or could do.  Some of it has been nerve-wracking to say the least, some of it has been a pleasant surprise and made me wonder why I hadn’t done it before.

But it has been a strain at times.  Even on days when everything’s going my way I wonder if I will have time to do it all and on days when things aren’t going my way….

I could easily just stop many of these projects.  Just call it off and go back to letting life happen to me as it will.  The thing is though that I wouldn’t want to go back to that.  I in fact want to go faster.  I’ve held off on my life for so long that I feel that I want to make up for lost time.  Not really possible as I have some limitations to face.  But I keep trying, keep looking, keep seeing how I can accelerate my life to that point that I want to be at.

The adventure that you’re ready for.  Maybe my life has been slowly grooming and preparing me to reach this point.  Whether as a function of fate or as a function of my life experience I don’t know.  Whatever the case may be I have to embrace it wholly and see where this leads me.

 

 

 

 

Posted in: activities, attitude, plans

The reason why

October 18, 2014 6:53 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Life isn’t merely meant to be survived.  I’ve noticed that attitude among people more and more as I get older.  They just merely want to get through the day and start the next one.  Like some overly complicated maze that we as rats have to run round to get our daily cheese.

Living life this way is damaging.  I don’t care how stress free your life is or how mentally tough you are.  This will damage you over time.  We build up toxic and damaging “mental gunk” in our thought processes.  We unconsciously develop bad mental habits and corrosive attitudes.

Vacations aren’t merely luxuries or a foolish waste of time.  They serve a very real purpose.  Even if it consists merely of sitting on the couch and watching TV for an extended period of time, you need to step back from that routine that you’ve worked out for yourself and you need time to consider.

Consider if this is where you really want to be going in life.  Whether what you’re doing in your life is really the best thing to do or whether you should change your routine.  But mainly you need to unplug and relax.

Consider the mind at work or in its routine as an athlete that gets no rest.  All the time going and going and going.  Like some sort of marathon runner.  Even the most adept and determined runner will hit a wall from time to time and not be able to continue racing.  The results are not pretty.  Recovery is a long and arduous process.

Why then do Americans have such an adversarial relationship with vacations?  We have the shortest vacation time on average of all the industrialized world.  I feel that some people almost feel ashamed of taking time off.  Will the world end if you take some time off?  I can assure you that this ball of rock and metal that we live on won’t fall apart if you take some time off.

So you still need to justify it?  Vacation with a purpose then.  Make it a vacation tailored to meet your relaxing and therapeutic needs.  Take yoga classes, mud baths or massages, learn a new hobby or sport.  Visit a place that you’ve never been before or would normally never go to.

Most of all realize that you weren’t meant to live inside a cubicle or air-conditioned building.

Posted in: attitude, life in general, travel, vacations

the rings

October 8, 2014 6:59 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Everyone has them. We sub-divide and classify people in our lives into different strata.

Rings of familiarity.  Depending on how small those rings are there are things that you will and won’t discuss with these people.  Things that you will and won’t do with people in these groups.  Generally the rings run (from outermost to innermost) nation, tribe, acquaintance, friend, family, me.  My rings are a little different.

 

From the outermost layer we start with all of humanity in its many customs, religions and quirks.  Our outermost layer of affinity.  Despite all the stupid or terrible things that we do we understand that we’re all human.

We don’t personally interact much with people on the other side of the planet or even most people in our own cities.  I will however listen and hear about their problems on the news or internet or in some magazine and empathize.  Most likely this represents about 99.995% of humanity to you (literally, do the math if you don’t believe me).

 

Next comes the national ring.  This is becoming a rapidly outdated and meaningless distinction as people from all over the world mix and match and settle where they think they best belong.  What it means to be English, or American, or Indian, or Haitian or Malaysian is changing.  Not only are people migrating more but the internet is having a homogenizing effect on culture.

At the moment it does have a little validity if only because people for the most part still acknowledge it.  This ring, much like the tribal ring, will disappear.  I don’t see this ring lasting more than a couple hundred more years at most.

 

Next we have the lesser acquaintances.  The cashier you see maybe twice a month or that guy that jogs past every morning and says hello out of reflex.  You may share some absent-minded comments with them such as “how bout this heat?” or “what about that local sports team?”.  But mostly it’s for form’s sake.

You don’t expect or think this interaction will lead to anything else and you certainly don’t expect to share some deep problem with them.  Of course there’s migration between the rings but it takes time and effort from both parties to boost a person out of this ring up to the next level.  This makes up the bulk of the people who “you know”.

 

Next come the greater acquaintances.  These people you see on a weekly to daily basis.  Maybe you chat with them on social media, maybe they’re neighbors, or co-workers.  They know more about you and you know more about them.  But generally what you share is what you allow to be shared.  You’re still somewhat guarded around these people.

 

We then come to the friends layer.  This also has inner and outer layers as well.  I would say one way that the distinction is made as to who is inner and who is outer is the age of the relationship.  Generally older relationships are deeper and therefore inner relationships.  Friends get access to more details of your life and get to hear some of the daily worries and maybe even some family gossip.

With friends you also start seeing some built-in and unspoken obligations appear.  It’s generally understood that I will pick up a stranded friend in the middle of the night without a second thought, I will go to their wedding and not turn up with the cheapest gift on the registry, I will sit and listen to whatever is on their mind.

 

The family ring.  The people you’ve known the longest.  They will expect to have something to say about anything that you share with them and they expect that you will have something to say about anything that they share.  Families can be close, they can be distant, competitive.  This is the layer where the kidney transplants and the “loan your brother, money ” events occur.  It’s also the layer where you can get so angry with them that you can’t stand it.  But in the end you take them back cause they are family.

 

Lastly is me.  Ideally there should be one last layer before reaching me.  That one special person you share everything with and that knows you so well that they might as well be you.  You might think that this person should be in the family ring but no, this is the person that you have a special bond with and that you want to share as much as possible with.

At least this is how I see my world.

Posted in: attitude, family, friends, relationships

just do it

October 6, 2014 6:00 AM , Leave a Comment ,

A mantra for a popular shoe company or an attitude to live one’s life by?

I was recently talking to someone who had a myriad of options to consider as far as their career including job options in Houston that weren’t quite what they wanted and career options on the east coast that were better but would involve uprooting their lives and moving.  They had been weighing the pros and cons all summer long and now some of the offers were expiring and they had to make a decision.

They asked my opinion.

Firstly this is one of those things I hate opining on as I didn’t know all the ins and outs of this person’s, what their deepest desires are, how they really see their life shaping up and all those other fine details that really make a difference.  So I took a middle of the road approach.

I told them to just pick one and go.  Didn’t really matter which but do it.  Of course they asked what if they chose wrong?  I told them it didn’t matter.  Making a decision was better than no decision when it comes down to it.  Standing around paralyzed with indecision was the worst state to be in.

So they chose to move.  Will it be a good decision?  Yes and no.  I’m sure that there will be ups and downs along the way but this person is young and still has time to grow and learn.  But sitting around and waiting for things to be decided for them, that’s worse.

Whatever you do, take charge of your own life.  Be the one that makes the decisions instead of letting life decide things for you.

Posted in: attitude, decisions, goals, life in general

Using your gifts

September 16, 2014 6:43 AM , Leave a Comment ,

“Using your gifts” she said.

“What gifts?” thought the self-deprecating part of my mind.

But that was the writing challenge issued to me by Leslie.  A post on using my gifts.  A true corker if there ever was one.  But the thing about Leslie is that she always does come up with the best ideas and hardest challenges.

I spent Sunday mulling it over in my mind.  The assignment basically had two parts.  Firstly defining what my gifts were and secondly how I could use my gifts in everyday life.

Gifts, gifts, gifts.

The lyrics to ‘Simple gifts‘ popped up in my head.

‘Tis a gift to be simple, ’tis a gift to be free
‘Tis a gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
  ‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.’

I then searched YouTube for the Aaron Copland version (Appalachian Spring) and searched Wikipedia for the background on Simple gifts and its influences on various social and intellectual movements of the early to mid 20th century.  I then remembered when I first heard that song in elementary school in the early 80’s and how the headmistress would sometimes make us sing it in a round at morning prayers.  But twisting and turning a subject round and round in my head wasn’t helping anything.  People always do say that I have a tendency to do that when presented with a problem.  I will worry over a problem from the left, right, top, and bottom trying out different perspectives.  Sometimes I have to concede that an obvious solution to a problem is the best course but sometimes I will find a path previously unconsidered by others.

The topic kept nagging at me through lunch.  A rock in my shoe would have been less distracting.

Leaving things hanging and unresolved is not my style.  Nor is it to give up so easily.  I supposed that it’s a bull-headed stubbornness that refuses to give up.  A quality that has marked me since birth and one without which I would not be alive today.  I had been in the Colorado mountains one Summer when while crossing a fast-moving stream a rock gave way under my foot and the stream dragged me down with it.  It’s amazing how quickly your mind works in these situations.

“So this is how I’m going to die.  I wonder if my body will be found downstream or if some wild animal will scavenge me.”

A particularly solid rock knocked some sense back into me.

” No.  No, I am not going out this way.”

Just that quickly I decided to live and slowly but surely I pulled myself to shore.  On the wrong side of the stream but on shore.

After sitting on the shore for a minute and considering that I might freeze to death or some previously mentioned wild animal might make a meal of me, I got up and hobbled down the stream and through the woods till I finally found a scientist doing the same thing I was doing, taking water samples, and he drove me back to a hospital.  Somehow I managed to hang on to my satchel full of water samples that I had collected and finished my paper on abandoned mine sites polluting streams.

But again such ruminations didn’t serve to further my purpose.

Perhaps I had to take a new tack on the problem at hand and consider the whole issue via a set of examples, stories, and collected experiences from my own past.  It is said that the INFJ personality types are born story tellers and delight in the role of playing the mentor.  I have also found it valuable in the past to relate experiences from my own life to provide precedents and illustrations for points or ideas that I was trying to transmit to others.  If I advise someone on a particular course of action they usually do not respond as well as when I would furnish them with examples of how I had met with a similar problem and overcome it.  So perhaps some stories relating how my gifts would emerge and be used in situations from the present and the past?

Was the solution to this writing assignment this simple?

Posted in: activities, attitude