Category Archives: Family

The story of your life

September 11, 2015 7:06 AM , Leave a Comment ,

“We are the sum of our experiences”

I’ve heard this quote in several different versions in various books, movies, and plays.  Usually it is being offered up as advice by an older character to a younger character to take the long view of life and not just dwell upon a single event as the defining event of their life.

“When I asked for strength, God sent me hardships to make me grow stronger.”

Possibly a Hindi, native american, Jewish, or christian saying.  Possibly just some universal wisdom that transcends time and culture.

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.”

Shakespeare from As you like it.

I’ve had to think about and take some comfort in these sayings this year.  This has not been the year that I contemplated or planned for.  Don’t get me wrong, this has been far from a disastrous year but definitely not one that I would like to repeat and we’re not even done yet. But I’ve been trying to make sense and put a positive spin on what’s been going on.

So going in order:  “We are the sum of our experiences”

I am more than a mere biomechanical construct set down on this planet to move dirt around till I wind down.  At least I hope so.  The things that I have done and experienced, the things that have happened to me, the events that I’ve lived through, have shaped and changed my perspective over time.  More than that, the people I have met have altered my outlook on life and given me new things to think about.  I look back on the difficulties that I’ve lived through and see how they have prepared me for some of the challenges that I have or am living through right now.  Without those experiences and the people related to those experiences I would not be me.

Which leads me into the second saying; “When I asked for strength, God sent me hardships”.  I don’t see any of the bad times that I’ve had in my life as tragedies or pointless events or as some sort of punishment.  At least I try not to.  I mean I know it’s tempting to look for fault or to curse and spit when things are going wrong.  I know that I have succumbed to that temptation from time to time.  But over the long haul I see them as scars or marks of experience that remind me that I have survived in the past and that I can continue to survive no matter how much things change or what life throws at me.

And life does change which leads me to the last saying “All the world’s…”

Sometimes I think that life is like a book.  The experiences, the facets of life, are the chapters.  You are the protagonist and your life is the main plot line.  Of course you don’t get to guide or control the plot or the other characters.  Everything and everyone writes the totality of the story but it all comes together in the end.

The people you know are the other characters.  Just like in a long novel some characters make entrances, they affect the story, and then they leave and so ends a chapter.  None of them are truly evil or truly good.  They just play out their parts in your story while living out their own story, of which by the way you are a character in.  We affect and counter affect each other and the resulting mess is what we call life.

I am now trying to look at this year as a learning experience, something to grow and build upon, a facet of my life preparing me for the next chapter whatever that may be.  I have to believe that the people and experiences in the last year have imparted some sort of lesson or wisdom or something that will lead me to the next part of my life.  Which leads me to one final quote.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

That’s the hardest part, letting go and stepping out into the darkness, possibly stepping out into nothingness.  You can get so wrapped up in your dreams and plans that letting go is physically painful.  Facing a new reality without a specific plan or a dream is frightening.

In the end though whether I want to or not, the chapter comes to an end and I have to turn the page and begin writing the next sentence.

Posted in: faith, family, friends, life in general, personality, philosophy, relationships

Making time

May 6, 2015 6:34 AM , Leave a Comment ,

It may seem odd but I have found that when you’re the busiest and have the least time, that’s when you need most of all to have some time off for yourself.

I can’t claim to be the busiest person I know.  I know plenty of other people who are busier but I’m no slouch.  I’m basically up and moving around from four in the morning till 10:30 at night.  I have a ton work and family things to do and I never have enough time.

Work, exercise, and home life take up my time during the week.  In what few time gaps I get I do every day chores and take care of things that need to be done but I always keep busy.

Sometimes it seems that the weekdays roll into each other and that my “morning” began on Monday and my “afternoon” ended on Friday.  Not that healthy for a person to do that all the time.

The weekends have their own set of responsibilities but it’s not as hectic as the week so I use them for what they were meant to be used.  I take a “break” from the weekly grind and I try to do something different.

Doesn’t really matter what you do.  Go clubbing, a hobby, go dancing, read for an evening.  The point of a “break” is just that.  To break the monotony of the routine and let the pressure on your mind ease up.  Let it breathe a bit.

Don’t kid yourself that you can keep going all out all the time.  Maybe you could when you were in your twenties or even your thirties.  But one thing I’ve found that in my forties that I can’t keep doing that all the time.  It gets unhealthy not to let the pressure off your mind.  You start missing obvious problems, you start accepting “less than the best” efforts, you get despondent.  I find that over time my dynamic thinking skills deteriorate and I start just doing the “wash, rinse, and repeat” type of cycle every day.  Unless you work at a fast food place that’s no way to work.

Think of this as maintenance or a tune up for your mind and body.  A way to keep going throughout the year at peak efficiency.  This is probably the cheapest way that you can keep yourself going without having to take a full-blown vacation.

 

Posted in: activities, family, life in general, work

the rings

October 8, 2014 6:59 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Everyone has them. We sub-divide and classify people in our lives into different strata.

Rings of familiarity.  Depending on how small those rings are there are things that you will and won’t discuss with these people.  Things that you will and won’t do with people in these groups.  Generally the rings run (from outermost to innermost) nation, tribe, acquaintance, friend, family, me.  My rings are a little different.

 

From the outermost layer we start with all of humanity in its many customs, religions and quirks.  Our outermost layer of affinity.  Despite all the stupid or terrible things that we do we understand that we’re all human.

We don’t personally interact much with people on the other side of the planet or even most people in our own cities.  I will however listen and hear about their problems on the news or internet or in some magazine and empathize.  Most likely this represents about 99.995% of humanity to you (literally, do the math if you don’t believe me).

 

Next comes the national ring.  This is becoming a rapidly outdated and meaningless distinction as people from all over the world mix and match and settle where they think they best belong.  What it means to be English, or American, or Indian, or Haitian or Malaysian is changing.  Not only are people migrating more but the internet is having a homogenizing effect on culture.

At the moment it does have a little validity if only because people for the most part still acknowledge it.  This ring, much like the tribal ring, will disappear.  I don’t see this ring lasting more than a couple hundred more years at most.

 

Next we have the lesser acquaintances.  The cashier you see maybe twice a month or that guy that jogs past every morning and says hello out of reflex.  You may share some absent-minded comments with them such as “how bout this heat?” or “what about that local sports team?”.  But mostly it’s for form’s sake.

You don’t expect or think this interaction will lead to anything else and you certainly don’t expect to share some deep problem with them.  Of course there’s migration between the rings but it takes time and effort from both parties to boost a person out of this ring up to the next level.  This makes up the bulk of the people who “you know”.

 

Next come the greater acquaintances.  These people you see on a weekly to daily basis.  Maybe you chat with them on social media, maybe they’re neighbors, or co-workers.  They know more about you and you know more about them.  But generally what you share is what you allow to be shared.  You’re still somewhat guarded around these people.

 

We then come to the friends layer.  This also has inner and outer layers as well.  I would say one way that the distinction is made as to who is inner and who is outer is the age of the relationship.  Generally older relationships are deeper and therefore inner relationships.  Friends get access to more details of your life and get to hear some of the daily worries and maybe even some family gossip.

With friends you also start seeing some built-in and unspoken obligations appear.  It’s generally understood that I will pick up a stranded friend in the middle of the night without a second thought, I will go to their wedding and not turn up with the cheapest gift on the registry, I will sit and listen to whatever is on their mind.

 

The family ring.  The people you’ve known the longest.  They will expect to have something to say about anything that you share with them and they expect that you will have something to say about anything that they share.  Families can be close, they can be distant, competitive.  This is the layer where the kidney transplants and the “loan your brother, money ” events occur.  It’s also the layer where you can get so angry with them that you can’t stand it.  But in the end you take them back cause they are family.

 

Lastly is me.  Ideally there should be one last layer before reaching me.  That one special person you share everything with and that knows you so well that they might as well be you.  You might think that this person should be in the family ring but no, this is the person that you have a special bond with and that you want to share as much as possible with.

At least this is how I see my world.

Posted in: attitude, family, friends, relationships

Underneath the skin

January 19, 2014 9:13 AM , 2 Comments ,

I came out of the Alamo drafthouse last night around 9:30 and walked to my car when I heard the familiar whistle of my Gmail account.  Something had come in.  Wireless signals inside the movie house are terrible and this email had just now caught up with me.  To my surprise it was an email from 23andme.com.

My results were in.

Back in late October I had heard about this service that was offering low-cost genetic testing.  After a couple of weeks of vacillating I finally decided to try it.  They sent me a testing kit by mail.  I had to fill up a small tube full of saliva and I mailed it back.  I had begun to give up hope of hearing back from these folks and I certainly didn’t expect it on a Saturday night.  I rushed home and logged in and spent the next 2 hours reviewing the results.

I should add a little background here.  23andme provides several different types of genetic tests.  They can test for inherited diseases, traits, genetic ancestry, probable blood type.  Just all sorts of things that your DNA can reveal about you.  For somewhat debatable reasons the FDA claims that this type of genetic testing of your health risks is “dangerous to the public”. I feel that this has more to do with vested interests in the health industry not wanting people to take charge of their own health but that’s a subject for another blog.

They threatened to drag the company into court if they did not stop providing this service.  As a consequence of this 23andme no longer does health screenings by genetic testing.  They only provide testing for ancestry now.  I bought my testing kit just before the FDA restraining order came into effect so I still get my health screening.

So onto what you guys are looking for, the results.  So obviously we are going into the health risks first. I will say up front that I am not going to post my entire health report online.  Firstly it’s private and I don’t feel like I want to share it all.  Secondly the results do not tell me that I have a certain condition, they only give me the probability that I may develop a condition.  I see it not as a definitive test but as something to be on the lookout for.  Lastly, it’s pretty dull.

The results are not too surprising to me given my family history.  I have a slightly higher risk for heart disease and diabetes.  Nothing new to me.  What was surprising was that I am at a higher risk for celiac disease.  To me this just reinforces my belief that I need to exercise more and watch my diet closer, specially as I become older.

higher risk for Asthma.  I did have some childhood asthma

slightly higher risk for Alopecia.  dodged that bullet.

Two things that worried me were actually lower risks.  Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.  Now, you can certainly develop Parkinson’s from environmental factors and the test makes it clear that this does not mean I won’t develop these but it does mean that I am at less of a risk for these.

Lower risk of Melanoma.  I am darker skinned after all but I’m not going to lay out in the sun all day long.

Lower risk of multiple sclerosis.

Lower risk of colorectal cancer.  That doesn’t mean I can go out and party though.  Of course there’s many other results.

Onto traits. One of the more interesting results is something that I have suspected for a while.  My body is less responsive to exercise than the average person.  This means I derive less benefit from the same workout that others are doing.  I need to increase my workout to get the same benefit.

Based on my genetics my muscle response is more similar to a sprinter than a long distance runner.  So while I can do long distance races I would probably do better in the short track events.  So much for my 2016 Olympics marathon aspirations.

Male pattern baldness?  typical odds.  I would have thought higher odds.

Longevity?  Higher than normal odds of living to 100 years.  True, specially in my father’s side.

Freckling. typical

eye color. tends to brown

hair. tends to curlier

food tendency.  more towards sweet foods.  Need to watch that.

Blood type,  A+

Dozens of other traits here.

Moving onto ancestry.

I was somewhat disappointed that I only carry 2.6% neanderthal ancestry.  Actually slightly lower than the average 2.7%

In molecular evolution, a haplogroup is a group of similar haplotype that share a common ancestor having the same single nucleotide polymorphism mutation in all haplotypes.

On my mother’s side I come from the B2b sub group, a subset of the B4’5 haplogroup,  This is an older group that originated in Asia about 50,000 years ago and migrated across the Pacific to the west coast of the Americas.

On my father’s side I come from the J2b2* subgroup, a subset of the J2 haplogroup.  This group originated in Anatolia and the Caucasus mountains around 18,000 years ago.

My complete ancestry composition is not ready yet so I don’t have all that ready to review but it’s not that consequential to me.  I’m here already after all.

So what does it all mean?  Mainly that I am a pretty average American suburbanite.  Not specially gifted in any significant way but then again not too burdened either.  I need to keep a close eye on my health and become more regimented in my lifestyle choices but odds are that I will live a fairly full and long life.

Was it a worthwhile exercise?  I think so.  If nothing else it opens up my eyes to what’s going on inside of me and gives me a better handle of what I can do to improve my life.

 

 

 

 

Posted in: family, genetics, health, life in general

redressing the balance

October 9, 2013 8:34 PM , 1 Comment ,

I have been making some severe adjustments to my life lately  but I think I am getting a handle on them.

Going from a model which was centered on just my life to being a care giver has been stressful to say the least.  I wanted my forties to be a time of making improvements to my life, to get ahead, and to move my retirement plans forward and suddenly I got saddled with new responsibilities.

I honestly did not see how I could manage it all.  My thoughts were that my plans were totally ruined and had to abandon every hope and dream that I had.  I will admit to some desperation on my part.

But as is usually the case, when the worst thing you can imagine happens, it’s not as bad as it seems.  Life hit me hard this year but it did not finish me off.  I was able to hold on by my fingernails and by someone who bolstered me when I needed bolstering.

I am not going to move forward as planned originally.  That path is closed to me.  But then again neither am I going to move forward if I sit around feeling sorry for myself or being wistful for the old plan.  I have to embrace the new situation as is and plot a new route for myself.

Adjustments will have to be made and some have already been made.  Things are going to get better and not all of the old plan has been scrapped.  Some things in my life plan  I refuse to give up on.  They may not work out as I hope, and in fact it may be hopeless but I am not giving up on them.

I have only one real strength in life and that’s my stubborn nature.  I have to go with that strength and let it lead me forward.  That strength will let me find a new balance in my life.

Posted in: family, life in general