Category Archives: Life In General

learning to relax

March 28, 2014 6:50 AM , 2 Comments ,

I’m watching an angry green blob dance across my smartphone screen.  That green blob is a thunderstorm and currently it may be passing me or it may just be reaching me.  I can’t tell.  It’s 3:41 AM, I’m in my running gear, it’s raining and I’m beginning to think that I won’t get my run in today.  I get edgier and edgier as the clock moves towards 4 A.M.  I’ve had my day off this week and I really don’t want a two-day break from my work out.  I’m considering just going and chancing the rain and lightning anyways.

It wasn’t always so.  I used to be the opposite in fact.  I would use any excuse not to go out for a run.

“It’s 96 degrees out instead of 95.  too hot”

“I wore this yesterday, can’t wear it twice in a row”

“I’m 2 minutes too late.  Can’t go today”

The rain is coming down steadily on my roof.  I can’t tell if this green blob is moving towards or away from my house.  I look it up on the desktop.  Zooming in as much as possible.  Straining to see if this is going to cancel my run or not.  If it lets up soon I may still be able to go out.

I used to be so good at relaxing.  It was second nature to me.  Time off and time to my self were the most important parts of life and I marveled at the fact that some people had problems trying to relax and unwind.  My priorities were so much different when I was younger.  I once spent 18 hours straight playing an online game one time.  Something that I still take perverse pride in.  I only quit because the game owners brought the system down for maintenance.  Carefree days back then.  Not so much anymore.

3:52.  The rain has decidedly slowed but will it pick up again?  The radar says it probably won’t.  A rumble of thunder in the distance.  Maybe I should wait a bit.  If I do a speed run I may still be able to afford a quick rinse in the shower to get the worst of the brine and mud off me before work.

When I began walking and then running I had to break my sedentary habits that I had cultivated for decades and commit myself to this type of life.  In doing so the new paradigm of working to exhaustion took root over many long and hard months.  Forcing myself to crave exercise took awhile but I got it done.

At the same time I had to recognize that my body needed time to repair itself and to sort itself out each week.  So I took one day of rest and away from exercise each week.  Two days a week, specially two days in a row had become unacceptable.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a someone that lives with a barbell attached to my hand and that does reps while talking on the phone or who lives in the gym.  In fact I could probably stand more exercise in my life.  But I do have some minimums that I have to keep up in my life and I don’t want to slide below my minimum level.

The rain has slowed enough.  Got to go…

Posted in: activities, exercise, life in general

reviving my palate

March 22, 2014 7:04 AM , 2 Comments ,

Earlier in the week I got corralled into going to a fast food place by one of my relatives. I’ve avoided fast food places like the plague for the last year and a half.  Not my idea of good food but I had no choice in the matter.  I didn’t want to be rude.  So I ordered something that I used to order.  The basic burger, french fries, and a drink.

I should have been rude.

The unsweetened ice tea was basically just muddy water with little to no resemblance to tea, yet it was the highlight of the meal.  The fries tasted like oil soaked cardboard.  Correction, salt covered and oil soaked cardboard.But the main impression was that of eating oil.

The burger merits its own paragraph.  A sad, wilted green leaf masqueraded as lettuce.  The pale red slice of vegetable may have been a tomato at one time.  The meat if it could be called that gave only a cursory performance as something that might be edible.  The only recognizable part of the meal were the hamburger buns.  They were most definitely made from processed flour.

I couldn’t finish it.  I put it back in the sack.  It made me feel slightly ill afterwards.  How was I able to stomach this for so many years?  How did my taste buds get so jaded that they found this edible for all those years?

This Friday I decided to erase that taste from my lips.  I went to one of my favorite restaurants.  I’ve known about Kasra’s Persian grill for over ten years and it has maintained its high quality standards by preparing simple food using high quality ingredients and not trying to skimp on the cooking process.

As I sit down the busboy delivers a fresh and hot taftoon bread along with a plate of herbs, goat cheese, and radishes.

I started with a basic black tea brewed from tea leaves and served in glass cups with real sugar cubes.

Along with this a Persian salad.  This is just diced cucumbers, tomatoes, and onion with some spice and a vinaigrette sauce.  Everything is fresh.  Probably just prepared within the last hour.  The cucumbers and the tomatoes vie with each other trying to prove which one is sweeter.  The onion adds a lovely kick.  A little bit of lemon juice elevates the salad to nirvana.

I could end the meal right there and be happy.  But the entree is just as divine in its own way.  Chenjeh is basically just chunks of grilled sirloin.  When you get a good steak then you really don’t need to spice it to make it taste good.  Most people make the mistake of getting their steak well done.   This robs the meat of its flavor and turns it into a hard burnt chewy mass.  I understand the health reason for getting steaks done well done but hey, I eat sushi so I’m willing to take the gamble.  Always get your steaks done medium, you will see what I mean.

Alongside this comes the grilled veggies.  Zucchinis, squash, onions, and tomatoes.  Just singed with grill marks on both sides.  Crisp and crunchy and full of their own flavors.  Basmati long grain rice with a crisp, clean, almost nutty aroma.  I can taste each element of the meal.  They complement each other perfectly.

Well prepared ingredients without a hint of preservatives and cooked in a healthy way.  I realize that every meal can’t be this good but does everyday food have to be bad?  Can’t we insist on good fresh food?  Do we have to rely on salt to make things palatable?

Try it yourself.  Get off the junk food wagon for a month and then try a fast food meal and you’ll see what I mean.

Posted in: food and drink, life in general, restaurants

the limits of self help

March 18, 2014 6:54 AM , 4 Comments ,

If you were lucky enough to read the magazine Omni back in the late 70s or 80s you probably saw the ads in the back of the magazines for things like biofeedback monitors.

The basic idea was that if you were able to monitor things like your pulse, blood pressure, and breathing that you could consciously exert control on these and improve your health.  So they sold all sorts of monitors for measuring these things.

Although biofeedback monitors had some real world benefits and did provide some help to some users, some of the other things advertised were somewhat dubious in nature.  Ads for healing crystals, magnetic bracelets, courses on releasing your inner energies abounded in the back pages of the magazine.  I never really paid them any mind and set them next to things like the x-ray specs of comic books.

But self-help or self-improvement is a huge field.  if you go to any modern bookstore you will find isles full of books on topics such as improving your health, finances, relationships, and just making your life better on your own.  As with the biofeedback monitor the idea is that if you are able to define the problem and becoming aware of what is causing it, then you can take steps to improve your situation by conscious effort.

In the last few years I’ve devoted my efforts towards self-improvement in several different directions and so far the results have been more than I’ve expected.  In fact it’s ridiculously remarkable.  It’s good to see the dividends from these efforts finally begin to roll in.

But at the same time I am aware that there are limits to what I can achieve.  For example, I am never going to be a world-class marathon runner.  I do have plans to run a marathon within the next 2 years (I’m actually hopeful for 2015, but 2016 is more likely) but I know that I will not have a world record time.  Why do it then?  Because preparing for a marathon gives me an excuse to run and improve my health.

Some might caution me about setting my goals too low.  That I should make my expectations open-ended and go out and get as much as I can of any part of life.  I suppose that there is something to be said for that.

Right now though I am taking on the goals that I know I can achieve.  I want to build upon these small victories and then take bigger gambles.  After being at a low ebb for several years my confidence is building and once again I am starting to feel like my old self.

Posted in: attitude, life in general

A rough start

March 16, 2014 7:18 AM , 2 Comments ,

A couple of weeks ago I posted about my 20th anniversary out of school.  It brought back memories of that December graduation in 1993 and the events thereafter.  It also made me think how that time frame went a long way towards shaping the next 20 years of my life.

My last semester in college and you’d think I could just cruise through it on auto-pilot.  Not hardly!  If anything it was the most challenging of all my semesters.  I was taking the most advanced research and computer classes I could before graduating.  I knew that my financial situation would not be great after school even if I landed a job immediately so I wanted to be current as possible before I got out into the big bad world.  On top of that I was taking elective courses like civil engineering surveying and environmental sciences to cross train as much as possible and have a wide range of knowledge.

I wanted to be a rabid football fan but I just couldn’t spare the time that fall.  I spent as much time as possible buried in books and classes that I had to give up much of my social life too.

Besides all of that I was worried about what all college kids worry about.  Finding a job.

I was in Colorado the previous Summer at a field camp doing some geology classes.  We were all sitting around in a beer garden one night after class when I had the realization that this was it for me as far as formal school.  That final vestige of childhood was being stripped away from me and for better or worse I was going to be fully on my own.

I took advantage of the school’s placement resources when I got back to campus that Summer and all through the Fall.  I wrote up a resume as best as I could and taking all the counselor’s advice and used the school’s print center to run off as many copies as I could.  Among other disadvantages, I would be without a computer or a printer.  I wouldn’t have a personal computer again till 1995.

So we skip ahead to finals week.  I had my classes well in hand and I was boxing up my apartment.  My lease was also ending so I had to be packed and ready to leave.  I had applied to get a refund for my utility and rent deposits.  The resumes I had sent out so far had yielded no results yet.

The registrar verified I had no outstanding loans or library books and cleared me to graduate.  I stepped out of the office and sneezed.  That was a sign of things to come.

I made my goodbyes to my friends.  I was much more socially awkward back then and really didn’t know how to handle such things.  In particular I bid goodbye to one young lady I really liked.  She still had a year to go in school.  We promised we’d write and we did for a while but I think we both knew we’d never see each other ever again.

The night before graduation and I’m deep into packing up.  I’ve got a raging headache, it’s unusually cold for early December.  I’m feeling even more miserable.

My parents show up.  They want to take me to dinner but I beg off and go to bed.  The next morning I can barely get out of bed.  My sinuses are pounding and graduation is an hour off.  My parents and other family members are waiting for me.  I take some cold medicine to keep me going an somehow I stagger to the graduation.  I’m dizzy, nauseous, coughing, and miserable.

Michel Halbouty, a legend in the Texas oil industry, hands me my diploma and shakes my hand.  I barely notice him.  It’s all I can do to keep from falling over.

After graduation my parents realize just how sick I am.  They pack up the rest of my stuff and drive me back to Houston.  I spend the next 2 weeks in bed with the flu from hell.

So I started my adult life after college in a sick-bed with a couple hundred bucks from deposit refunds, a car that was on its last legs, no girlfriend, and no job.

It would in fact take me six months to land my first job.  I had several false starts with recruiting agencies and want ads in the paper but I finally landed the job I would have for the next 8 years.  I got the job by walking in and asking for it.  And it wasn’t due to my degree or my work experience but by trading on my “computer expertise” and working for a small consulting company whose execs knew even less than I did about computers.

I started at 6 dollars an hour and felt like the biggest failure ever.  This is what I went to college for?  Over time of course that improved and my job skills would expand and my responsibilities would make me a more valued asset at the company but it was difficult to see the upside back then.

Posted in: career, decisions, future, illness, jobs, life in general, school

clothes sorting

March 14, 2014 6:02 AM , 2 Comments ,

So, inspired by my recent post on ensembles I decided to clean out of my closet and dresser.

I’ve lost a bit of weight and I have to supplement my clothes to tide me over till I reach what I think is going to be my stable and sustainable weight for the next few decades.

Before I spend any money on new clothes I realized that I needed to make an assessment of what I need and what I had.  I also needed to get rid of what was worn out or no longer fit.  So I cleared out my closet and my dresser and piled everything on the bed and started sorting things into piles.

In some ways it feels like I’m moving.  I suppose I am in a way.  I’m moving away from the person that I was and moving to the person that I want to be.  Just as in any move some old things have to stay behind and some new things have to be acquired.

The old stuff that isn’t too badly worn is going to charity and the rest will go into the waste bin.

Some things are easy.  Winter clothes can be bulky and oversized so they’re not hard to sort and it’s time they went into storage anyways.

Suits and sports coats.  They fit remarkably well but need a good cleaning and pressing and maybe an alteration here and there.

Shirts.  My old office clothes.  Some frayed and worn out, some oversized.  A few still useful.

Pants.  I didn’t realize how large I got.  A couple of size 46 pants.  I’m tempted to keep a pair to compare my old waist size to my new but that’s so cliche.

t-shirts.  Most of these I keep.  They’re such handy clothes.

socks.  I have way too many and most of my time is spent sorting them.  I look at two nearly identical ones and try to determine if they’re both navy blue or black.  Most of my white tube socks end up in the charity pile.

handkerchiefs.  How did I end up with so many?

Some things still have stickers and tags on them.  Most of them gifts I would guess as some of them I would never wear.

I’ve filled two giant trash bags full of charity clothes and another bag for the garbage.  My closet seems empty now but I have a good idea of what I need to buy.

I feel good about this in different ways.  I’ve cleared out some of the clutter in my living space and made room for the new.  More importantly I’ve made a clean break with the old me.  Those old oversized clothes were a sort of safety line to my old self.  As long as they existed I could lean on them; see them as a place to retreat to, even if just unconsciously.  By doing this I commit myself to a new life and don’t have any choice but to move forward.

Posted in: charity, fashion, future, goals, life in general

Good Sunday mornings

March 8, 2014 6:39 AM , 2 Comments ,

Life gets annoying, hectic, even overwhelming at times.  You’ve got to have one day of rest or even just part of one day that nothing may intrude upon.  You do what you want and at your own pace.  You have no job appointments to get to and no critical duties to fulfill.

Sunday mornings.

It has always been my time for this.  Something about Sundays has always evoked lazy restful feelings within me.  Feelings of domesticity and getting done those things round the house that need doing but that don’t have to be done in a rush or tearing hurry.

Sleep.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m a fan of sleeping.  I specially adore it when I’ve had a long day and I literally come home from some evening job function and undress and crawl into bed and fall asleep right away.  But spending 10 to 12 hour sleeping?  Not for me.  Five to six hours is my typical amount of sleep.  Eight hours would be a guilty pleasure.  Lying in bed all that time has no appeal for me.  Besides which I want to get things done in the morning.  Even if it is my day to be lazy I feel I need to get on with “being lazy”.

A run. unimaginable five years ago.  Now it’s just routine.  I feel more relaxed after a run.  Weekends are my challenge time.  So either on Saturday or Sunday I take an extra long run or try to better my time on my regular runs.  I usually do this on Saturday’s to keep my Sundays as lazy as possible.

The paper.  A real life paper.  Not just a digital edition.  Something with heft to it.  With ads for things that  I will never buy.  Long articles that I can think about and chew over in my mind.  Sports scores for sports I don’t care about.  Comics and crossword puzzles to fill out and erase when I get words wrong.

Breakfast.  I’ve done brunch in the past but I’m not too big a fan of it.  Brunch seems too fussy.

A real breakfast that isn’t calorie counted and nutritionally balanced and portion controlled.  Something home-made with eggs and random spices.  Pancakes or waffles?  Maybe but doubtful.  Even on Sundays my diet conscience nags at me about too many carbs and refined flour.

If the timing is right I may sometimes venture out to some small breakfast place to read the paper while I linger over a plate and a cup of tea for too long.  Maybe do some people watching as they come in and go out.  Watch the sun rise.

The weekly maintenance.  Floors to mop, light bulbs to replace, vacuuming.  Generally just keeping the household running for another week.  But none of it done in a hurry.  All at a relaxed pace.

Bills to pay and finances to go over.  Just out of tradition ever since college I’ve done this on Sundays at the breakfast table.  I write out, seal, and stamp the envelopes and head to the post office with the mail.

Noon, or noonish thereabouts.  The morning’s gone and the long Sunday afternoon begins.  Some time around this thoughts of Monday morning creep into my head.  The cycle begins again but I’m recharged and ready to face it again.

Posted in: activities, life in general, rest

The narrative version of life

February 28, 2014 7:07 AM , 2 Comments ,

Recently someone in one of my Facebook groups posted up a funny little graphic that asked in part “what if we were all characters in a book”

That got me thinking, what if we looked at the problems, goals, and challenges in our lives as if we were writing them for a novel?  Could it help some people to think about these aspects of their lives in different ways?

So if you have a problem with a person in your life you write a little scene describing the problem, the other person, the way that you feel.  Your describe how your character might deal with the problem.

You set up a scene in which both characters come together and have a dialogue to resolve the problem or maybe the problem doesn’t get resolved.  See where the story takes you.

Then comes the important part.  You sit back and re-read the little story you just wrote and really analyze it.  Would you really say this?  Would the other character really do that?  Why does your character do what they do?  What’s their motivation?  Does the re-reading of the scene give you a different perspective on the issue?  Does it reinforce your beliefs?  Do you now have some insight into the other person’s point of view?

All of us can sometimes get so wrapped up in the moment that we lose perspective.  It’s human nature and it has its uses.  This type of dedication and focus helps us ignore the distractions of life and really devote our efforts to one thing.  In this way it helps us get to the next level.

But sometimes factors outside of your immediate attention are taking place and you can’t notice them if you’re inside the action.  Sometimes it takes an outside eye (whether it’s your eye or someone else’s eye) to really see what is going on.

Whether you take this particular approach or not, sometimes it helps to detach yourself from the situation and look at it as if you were an unconcerned spectator. You might spot things that you would otherwise miss while you’re in the moment.

Posted in: decisions, life in general, writing

The spat

February 20, 2014 6:25 AM , 2 Comments ,

Things aren’t always going to go well in your life and relationships.  Whether it’s friends, family, or even significant others, from time to time you will disagree with people in your life.  Sometimes it will be a small difference of opinion and sometimes it will be as though you never really knew this person.  How you handle it depends on the other person but it also depends on you.  Is it a matter that you are willing to lose a relationship over or is it something where compromise can be reached?

Firstly define the parameters of the disagreement.  Is this something close to your heart or to theirs?  Ask some unobtrusive and non-committal questions about the subject.  Try not to come down for or against the subject.

Let’s assume that it’s a minor topic to both of you.  Is there a possibility of just letting this lie?  Is it really worth the trouble to “iron out”  If it’s a small matter it is usually best to let this alone and sit in the background.  We are all entitled to our own opinions after all.

If it is something close to their heart, is it something that you can skirt around or something that doesn’t affect your interaction with them?  One thing to understand is that this other person has a different life experience than your own.  For whatever reason this topic is important to that person.  Maybe if they explained it to you, you would come to see it in a different light.

If it is something close to your heart then the advice is reversed.  Try to explain your position to them and see if you can bridge the gap.  Let them know why you feel the way you do.  Maybe you will convert them to your point of view, maybe not.

Now comes the hard part.  Something important to both of you where you hold polar opposite views.  This is where family fights begin, friends are lost, and relationships are sundered.  Here you must remember why you like this person in the first place.  Neither side is likely to change their views but the effort must be made.

The two important things to remember is that there is a reason why the other person holds the opinion that they do and that you like interacting with this person for some reason.  Maybe the reason that they hold these views on this topic are not a good reasons, maybe they are.  You need to find out those reasons.  Closing your mind and not attempting to understand will not make things better.  Reaching out and communicating is the best course of action.

Remember, not everything will run smoothly all the time.  Differences of opinion exist in all relationships.  But I think it’s these differences that make relationships special and unique.

Posted in: friends, life in general, relationships, talking

optimism, pessimism, and me

February 8, 2014 6:43 AM , 1 Comment ,

A funny cartoon I saw last year:

3 glasses on a table. All filled to about mid level with a yellow liquid.  The bubble over the first glass reads “I’m half full” and he has a smile.  The second bubble reads “I’m half empty” and the glass has a frown.  The last bubble reads “I think this is piss” and the glass has a shocked expression.  The caption below all of them reads:

“Realists: the only ones who really know what is going on.”

Attitude can color every fact and action in your life.  A crowd of people can read the same news story and draw entirely different conclusions.  An event can alter two person’s futures in totally different ways just due to the way that their frame of mind processes the event.  That crucial first impression can be read in different ways by two people meeting the same person at the same time.

I’ve been called a pessimist by people I know and by online tests.  But I think the term has been used as a broad brush for anyone that doesn’t always look for the bright side of anything and everything.  Thing is that optimism isn’t all that good an outlook either.  You can trip and fall just as much by assuming that everything will turn out alright as by assuming that everything will fall apart.  The real world is so multi faceted and complex that I don’t think you can look at everything in a totally optimistic or pessimistic way.

My outlook on life is to hope for the best but prepare for the worst and to always see things as they are and not as I hope or dread that they are.  Tough advice to follow sometimes.  Specially when I have to struggle with my own fears and desires that want to set their own agendas within my mind.

After I make a decision or form an opinion about an object, an event, or a person I have to think to myself is this really the way things are or am I letting some unspoken filter alter my thought process?

Did I make that sale?  Is the roof going to make it one more year?  Will the economy get better?  Does she like me?  So many things to be concerned about.  So few concrete answers.  All I have to go on is my gut.

Posted in: attitude, life in general, personality, thought

generation which?

February 2, 2014 6:41 AM , 2 Comments ,

I was reading an article in Wired magazine the other day about Generation X and how we’ve matured and changed in the last quarter century to become more responsible and settled.

While I don’t necessarily disagree with this assessment, what really caught my eye was a list of famous generation Xer’s, particularly President Obama.

While technically it is true (he was born in 1961 and by the definition of the generation X time frame of 1961 to 1981 he fits), I find it hard to accept that he is part of my generation.  He seems to be more in tune with an older, more analog generation.

Being born in 1970 I am smack dab in the middle of Generation X and I suppose I do carry some of the ideas, faults, and peccadilloes of my generation.  I am more in tune with my fellow X’ers than with my parents and with those born to the later generations. I don’t necessarily agree with all the ideas of this generation but I am aware of them.

But what is it like for those born right at the edge of one generation and another?  How do they identify?  Ideas, concepts, and movements from both generations tug at them constantly.  I always think that it must be something akin to ‘middle child syndrome”, where you don’t really know what role you play in the family.

Sometimes the generational gap isn’t too broad a leap.  The Millennial generation seems to me to be quite similar to the Xer’s in ideas and problems and I don’t imagine that those born between these two generations are too confused.

I don’t think that the same can be said for those born between the baby boomers and generation X.  I imagine that the early sixties was a somewhat confusing time to be born and to start out in life.  Many of the old cultural identities didn’t apply anymore and the new ones had not yet been drafted.  One generation is more idealistic and the other one more self-centered.  What does this make these in betweeners?  Do they rebel against both generations and set their own course?  Are they somehow handicapped in life by not having a firm set of ideas?

Posted in: aging, culture, life in general, pop culture, thought