It may seem odd but I have found that when you’re the busiest and have the least time, that’s when you need most of all to have some time off for yourself.
I can’t claim to be the busiest person I know. I know plenty of other people who are busier but I’m no slouch. I’m basically up and moving around from four in the morning till 10:30 at night. I have a ton work and family things to do and I never have enough time.
Work, exercise, and home life take up my time during the week. In what few time gaps I get I do every day chores and take care of things that need to be done but I always keep busy.
Sometimes it seems that the weekdays roll into each other and that my “morning” began on Monday and my “afternoon” ended on Friday. Not that healthy for a person to do that all the time.
The weekends have their own set of responsibilities but it’s not as hectic as the week so I use them for what they were meant to be used. I take a “break” from the weekly grind and I try to do something different.
Doesn’t really matter what you do. Go clubbing, a hobby, go dancing, read for an evening. The point of a “break” is just that. To break the monotony of the routine and let the pressure on your mind ease up. Let it breathe a bit.
Don’t kid yourself that you can keep going all out all the time. Maybe you could when you were in your twenties or even your thirties. But one thing I’ve found that in my forties that I can’t keep doing that all the time. It gets unhealthy not to let the pressure off your mind. You start missing obvious problems, you start accepting “less than the best” efforts, you get despondent. I find that over time my dynamic thinking skills deteriorate and I start just doing the “wash, rinse, and repeat” type of cycle every day. Unless you work at a fast food place that’s no way to work.
Think of this as maintenance or a tune up for your mind and body. A way to keep going throughout the year at peak efficiency. This is probably the cheapest way that you can keep yourself going without having to take a full-blown vacation.
I’ve been doing a lot with my personal finances in the last few months. Included in this was the purchase of a new car. Something that I undeniably need living in Houston but yet some would argue I could have gotten something more pedestrian, less flashy, and more modest. Some have asked if it is something that I can afford.
To which the answer is yes. This was something that I’ve been thinking about for over a year and the numbers do make sense. Now, I could have gotten something more modest, true but the cost difference really wasn’t going to be that great and I do feel that I got quite a bit for my money. So I still feel that this was a good bargain for me.
Nevertheless these are valid concerns. In my lifetime I’ve seen how quickly people can get in trouble with easy credit and overspending. When I was in school the message boards were crammed with credit card applications for students to fill out and even though most students either didn’t work or worked part-time jobs they got ridiculously high credit lines. Of course within a month or two these kids got into some real financial problems that took years to clear up.
But that’s just symptomatic of our culture or even our civilization as a whole. We like to push the limits to the extreme and even break the limits till we get into trouble with not just money but resources, living space, and population size.
Take California for example. The golden state with promises of endless farmlands carved out of the desert, green suburbs without end, and abundant, cheap water hauled from hundreds of miles away. What happens when the waters fail to come year after year? The answer is the tragedy that’s slowly unfolding right now and affects not just millions of Californians but millions of people across the country and the world that depend on the produce grown there.
What will happen to that population? They won’t just dry up and blow away. We’ll soon see them in our neighborhoods looking for work and sharing our resources. Problems that might have been sidestepped if we had not insisted on trying to squeeze every last resource out of a desert that wasn’t ready to take so many people in the first place.
California will heal but it will take a long time. My question is when it heals and the rain cycle is restored will we go back and make the same mistakes again or will we learn and not try to live past the capacity of the land?
One of the nice things about getting older, at least for me, is that looks begin to lose their allure. Don’t get me wrong, a pretty face, a trim figure, beautiful eyes. I will always appreciate those. But over the years I’ve learned that there is a lot more to appreciate about a person than their looks and that good looks may not necessarily go hand in hand with a bright mind, an interesting persona, an appealing attitude, or any of a thousand other things that I find appealing in a person.
So what is attractive? Mind you I don’t claim to speak for anyone else but myself but I think my attitude is fairly typical within reason.
So some attractive characteristics in no particular order.
Intelligence. I would think that this would be so obvious it didn’t need to be mentioned but apparently it does. It’s something you can’t find out about until you actually talk to that other person but it can soon become obvious. The ability to think, to reason, to be more than just well read but to be able to form opinions or new thoughts. I tend to value these abilities fairly highly. I think it makes for a stronger and more satisfying long-term relationship.
An open mind. Related to the above I know but I think it’s important to be able to openly talk about different cultures, different points of view, different perspectives, even things that you may not like, art forms you may not appreciate, ideas that repulse you. I’m not saying embrace them but be able to look at them objectively and then if they don’t like it well then fine. At least the attempt was made. But being able to communicate openly with the other person is vital.
Outside interests and hobbies. I want a whole person that has their own life and own interests not someone that’s just waiting for me to supply their reason for being. Whatever those interests may be; sports, business, hobbies, music, whatever. This is part of their whole being and if they practice and enjoy these interests then I think that makes them that much more interesting.
Convictions. Believing in something and sticking to those principles. A truly admirable quality that not many people can claim for themselves.
Humor. A must not only for a potential mate but for friends in general. Being able to laugh not just at the world in general but at yourself is something that more people should engage in regularly.
Adventurous. Be able to take a chance every once in a while. Life’s just too short for playing it safe. I don’t mean be reckless but definitely not looking for someone who stays home and plays it safe.
Not a comprehensive list by any means but I think it covers the highlights. I know finding all of these qualities in one person is asking a lot. Maybe too much. But I don’t think so. I mean this is an important choice. Not like a haircut that will grow out in a couple of months or a pair of pants that you thought might look good. This is someone who I want to spend my time with. It should be something that I should be picky about.
One of those Facebook posts that seems to circulate all over your news feed really hit home today. It was titled “The after myth“. The post was an essay about a fat person who took the time and did the work to lose a lot of weight and succeeded but a few years after her success realized that there is no after, there is just the now.
I’ve been on my health kick for the last four years now. Begun as a necessity to restore my health. Starting slowly, having several missteps and finally starting to see results in the last year. I mean really big tangible results. The type where the guy in the commercial holds up his giant pants and steps from behind them to reveal his “new” skinnier version.
No matter how you do it (whether it’s exercise, diet, stomach staples, whatever) these ads gloss over the time, the struggle, the long hours which stretch into days and then weeks, months, and years. The process gets lost to get to the point on the TV screen.
It’s gratifying seeing people who I haven’t seen for a long time and having them tell me how much better I look now that I’ve lost the weight but I find it puzzling. Before the weight or after the weight, it’s still me.
I’m still the same person regardless of the weight and I found that this essay was right on the mark. For me there is no “after”. I have to keep to this lifestyle from now on.
Back in March I had to deal with the flu that was going round Houston. First I had to take care of a couple of people who got sick for a couple of weeks and then I got sidelined by it as well. My exercise routine went to hell and I began to pile on some weight. Maybe it was not noticeable to anyone else but it was to me. Just proved it to me that I don’t have a magical goal number to reach. This is my life now.
My metabolism has slowed over time. It was never very high but now it’s slowing down as I age. I need to keep working out. I need to watch my diet, I need to keep the process going.
I am still the same person that I was at 288 pounds that I am now at 181 pounds. I am just more aware and more conscious about the type of life I live and the consequences of my actions or in-actions.
I’m not defined by the number on a weight scale. No one is, or at least no one should be. I hope that I am defined by my actions and thoughts. Hopefully those actions and thoughts will lead me to a healthier and happier life.
The Star Wars trailer came out the other day. Don’t know if it will be a good movie or not but the initial signs are positive. Movie trailers are not a huge event to most people but to devotees of the series, it was highly anticipated.
Nowadays trailers usually come out on YouTube and people on YouTube will film what’s called reaction videos. Basically videos of their initial and genuine reaction to the trailer. I could waste hours watching these. I find it somewhat fascinating to watch these. I was also shocked that so many people made these videos already.
I like watching not only the reactions but in particular I also like to note the diversity of the fan base. Not all Star Wars fans are pasty skinned, fat, glass wearing nerds. The phenomena that is the Star Wars series runs the gamut through all races, genders, and economic backgrounds and is worldwide.
It’s somewhat difficult to explain the appeal of this series. I mean it’s one thing to say that it all has to do with cool special effects and space movies and fighting but I feel that there must be more here. These are a series of movies that people have memorized all the lines and regularly quote these lines to one another during conversations. I don’t mean that they quote just memorable lines but they will quite literally quote each and every line to one another no matter how innocuous the line.
I don’t think that happens with any other series, even with venerated series like Star Trek. Something about the themes, the ideas behind the story reaches out and touches individuals no matter what their background or situation. They can relate to a character in the story, they can relate to the feeling of struggling against a system that feels oppressive, they can relate something of their own particular situation to what they see up on the screen.
Something else I noted watching all these reaction videos was the number of female fans that posted reaction videos. Nerd and science fiction culture has had to take a long and hard look at itself with regards to the ingrained discrimination towards female fans this last year. It has been a painful but most necessary process. We who have proclaimed ourselves to be the oppressed underdogs fighting against a system that discriminates against us. We have been guilty of the same sort of oppression against female fans. A lot of the old guard nerds have asserted that female fans are not as passionate about science fiction or that they just “don’t get it”. I think this puts that argument to rest.
Just as we also have carefully thought out plans, we also have pipe dreams.
We all have those wild and crazy ideas that would be nice to achieve but we “know” just won’t ever work. These are ideals that we may dream about at bed time or just after lunch one day. You can think and even see them but the rational part of your mind knows that they’re impossible so it discounts them as just impractical fantasies and generally forgets about them.
On the flip side we have those carefully worked out plans that we think and re-think all the time and we “test out” and know will work because we’ve put in the time to manage expectations and to make sure they can be implemented before anything happens. We work and live through these every day.
Obviously, it’s bad to get hung up on a pipe dream and obsess over it to the point that you can’t function. Unfortunately I see this type of behavior too much among some of my peers. Obsessing about some material item, over some sort of achievement, over some love that got away from them. Many people chase these unattainable goals to the point that they disregard some or all other important aspects of their lives.
On the other hand it’s equally as bad to just live out a carefully scripted and planned life. If you only live a planned out existence you may find that opportunities that suddenly appear and offer themselves to you will be ignored or denied because they don’t fit in with your current plans. You may find that you deny yourself an advantage or may find that your original plan may actual be detrimental to you just because it didn’t fit in.
I think most people can tell what a plan looks like. A pipe dream is more difficult. We can often fool ourselves into thinking an outlandish pipe dream is really a reasonable plan. If we sit down however and look at it carefully and analyze it bit by bit we can often see the faults in the “reasonable plan” and see it for what it really is.
But like I said above, living only a planned life can be equally bad for you. So how can we live a balanced life where we keep our hopes and dreams alive but allow our plans to carry us ahead? We have to strike a balance. Live the daily life within our plans but always keep those pipe dreams at hand. Don’t totally deny them or discount them.
Even if you do chase after your pipe dream and ultimately fail, the journey, the process of trying to achieve that pipe dream may yield unexpected benefits, may open up new vistas and worlds that you didn’t previously know about.
Pipe dreams are sometimes the only things that can keep us moving forward when things are tough. Learn to control them, learn to tame them. But never let them die.
Big western cities like Houston give people lots of room to develop themselves and their lives into what they want them to be. I guess that’s part of the allure of what is sometimes referred to as the “american dream”.
I mean you can go from one part of Houston and suddenly find yourself in a totally different situation to what you were in five minutes earlier. I have friends and acquaintances all over the Houston area from the big ex-burbs like Katy, Sugarland, and the Woodlands and of course friends inside the city limits proper. They all swear that their part of Houston is the best and can’t imagine how people can live in other parts of town. People can find the part of town that best suits them and live the type of life that they want.
But beyond just mere geography there lies another type of life that we can lead. The individual interests, the pass times, the hobbies. Whatever you want to call them. I find it amazing how wrapped up and how into these things people can get. People can get so into these things that they barely notice that there are other worlds out there.
I tend to drift between a variety of different worlds and different groups so I’ve had the opportunity to observe these various sub-cultures interact and express themselves in their own natural surroundings.
Some examples?
Back in January I was at a big art gallery party held in what used to be a factory. Crowded from top to bottom with well dressed people, loud music, food and drink. Models, artists, and local luminaries all hobnobbing the evening away. Lots of back slapping and hearty handshakes as people got re-acquainted or met new friends and contacts.
In the Fall and Winter I go to book readings downtown. A local group invites notable authors and they come to Houston to read from their latest books. Sometimes it’s a well-known personality, sometimes a barely known author. I can already recognize some of the audience members as regulars and I get the sense that this is a group that has a long history.
A couple of weeks ago I was at an anime convention at the George R Brown. Kids and adults all dressed up in costumes and walking nonchalantly around. Nobody really giving them a second thought. Most of the vendors, staff, and speakers at these events travel on a convention circuit and see each other all the time.
A few months ago I was at a boxing match. Now, my idea of boxing matches were moodily lit events with maybe a couple dozen guys around a ring in some grungy gym. But this was a large hall with thousands of people and valet parking. Very well-organized and looking around I got the sense that a lot of these people came to these fights regularly and knew one another.
The two things I noticed in all four of these situations was:
1. A real sense of community within these groups. They were fully developed sub-cultures. Individuals in these groups were totally comfortable within these situations.
2. I am fairly certain that if I asked individuals within these sub-cultures about the other sub-cultures that they would either not know anything about those groups or almost nothing about them.
This leads back to my observation of how this large city allows people to find and express themselves in their own part of the city and lead the type of life that they want to lead. I find it fascinating to travel from one to another.
Two of the hallmarks of being an adult. Taxes and signing papers. I did both this week.
The former of course comes around every year and can’t be avoided. At least no one has come up with a plausible way yet. With a primal regularity I’ve been going through the process since I was 17 and I expect to have to do this around 50 more times before I’m done.
The latter involved reading and signing a bunch of papers to first transfer ownership of my old car as part of a trade in deal and then of course paying for my new car. I don’t quite remember how many papers I had to sign for my first car but I’m sure it wasn’t this many.
Neither of these was a glamorous and in fact they were rather monotonous events but I find that a good portion of being an adult really involves just getting on with taking charge of all the little niggling details of life. Kids usually go on and on about how cool things will be when they’re adults but really they don’t realize what it takes to keep things going as an adult.
One of my pet peeves involves being at a party or a gathering with an artist or a speaker or someone who has just done something impressive and someone complimenting that person by saying “I want to be you when I’m an adult”. Firstly because the person usually saying is an adult but mostly cause this really misses the mark of what it is to be an adult.
Being an adult mainly involves accepting responsibilities, putting up and keeping up with a lot of tiny but important details, and just managing to outlast life when things get tough.
Sure there are lots of cool things you can do when you’re an adult. But if you want to do those cool things it usually means you have to do many other things you would rather not do. It means not just grudgingly but almost gladly accepting that these details are at the heart of what it means to be an adult.
Writing is an activity that I’ve enjoyed throughout my life. Making up short stories, recording my speculations, thinking out loud on paper, even writing full length novels. I’ve engaged in all of these over the years.
I’ve put together three novel length works over the years and they all lie in various states of editing. That is to say they all need to be finished. Unfortunately this requires no just the time to finish but the services of a professional editor and again more time to meet with the editor and go back and forth in an interactive process. Not something that I can afford to engage in time wise.
I’ve joined various writing groups in town and I find it both exciting and depressing when I hear that a fellow writer is moving forward with getting a novel published. Exciting because I feel that I am in contact and interacting with the professional writing community in my city. Depressing because it reminds me that I need to get going on my work.
This year has been packed with responsibilities, with work, with a thousand mini-emergencies that require my attention. Little things really. But they need to be tended and unfortunately they tend to sap away the precious time needed to “write”.
Then of course you have to be in the mood to write. I know this sounds ridiculous but you have to be in the right mindset in order to write. Or at least I have to. I don’t just turn it on and off like a faucet. I can sit at a table with my laptop for hours looking at the screen and get nothing done. Other times ideas are gushing out of me a mile a minute.
So I’m kind of stuck. I want to get something done this year with at least one novel. But finding the time has been difficult. I barely have the time to keep this blog going.
I also have to admit that I am a bit hesitant to let a stranger, and a professional critic at that, tear into my work. I just have to hope that I can find the time and psych myself up to get this done. I am sure that once I get through the first editing session that I will be able to get the process rolling.
Back in the 80s nerd culture was just beginning to coalesce. I had no clue what a nerd was or that I was one. I just did what I did and assumed it was natural. Part of that nerd behavior was watching old 50’s and 60’s sci-fi TV shows obsessively. I could and maybe I will at some time in the future write obsessively about other shows but I have to give a special nod to one TV show in particular, Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone.
Serling was an odd character. Although physically small (he was only 5 foot 4 inches tall), he aggressively pursued athletics and later went into the paratroopers during World War 2. Dismissed as lazy in his studies by his teachers he came out of the war and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Literature at Antioch College. Repeatedly turned down by his future wife for being a playboy, he continued to court her until she agreed to marry him. Basically a guy that went out and did those things that people said he couldn’t do.
He brought this same type of restless energy into his radio career and then into the new medium of television. He pushed and pushed until he got the pilot show approved for the Twilight Zone.
Twilight Zone itself was a show that dealt mainly with modern polemics and age-old questions more than most shows of the era and indeed more than most shows nowadays. The idea that the show dealt with silly or spurious topics is false. Racism, classism, the “rat race”, death, redemption. All of these would be recurring themes in the show. Serling would usually begin the show with a short introduction to the topic and would also add some closing thoughts at the end of the show. The viewer would be drawn in and encouraged to think about the topic rather than to sit back and be amused by some mindless entertainment.
Every once in a while I will stumble across one of these episodes and sometimes I can draw some parallels to what’s going on in my life at the moment and yet again I think to myself what a brilliant man Serling was.
Three episodes resonate with me at the moment and I have to admit they have resonated with me in the past as well.
Walking Distance
A busy executive from New York City stops by a gas station in the middle of nowhere. While he has the oil changed in his car he notices that the town that he grew up in is nearby and decides to visit it. He finds that he has somehow gone back in time and sees himself as a child. He desperately wants to stay in the past but his father confronts him and tells him that he can’t and that maybe life wasn’t so bad after all.
Nervous man in a four dollar room
Jacky, a failed gangster, sits in a cheap hotel room trying to make a decision as to whether to murder an innocent storekeeper, as ordered by his gang boss, or quit his life of crime and reform.
As he thinks, the reflection in the room mirror talks to him. The reflection reminds him of all his past failures and stresses Jacky’s inherent character flaws and weaknesses.
As the conversation progresses Jacky becomes increasingly anxious and frustrated. The reflection finally challenges Jacky and tells him that he wants to take over. The two struggle for control.
The gang boss arrives in the morning to see why Jacky hasn’t carried out the murder. Jacky beats up the boss and throws him out telling him that he’s through with crime and also noting that his new name is now John.
The Changing of the guard
An elderly professor learns that he will soon be forced to retire. Looking back on his career he believes that his time has been wasted and that he has not made any impact. He considers committing suicide. As he does, the phantoms of some of his past students emerge. They relate what they did in life and how he was the inspiration for their lives. In the end the professor realizes that he did make a difference in people’s lives and decides to accept his retirement.
These are some of my favorite episodes. I find myself turning back to these over and over again when life gets tough, when things aren’t going my way, or when I find myself at a loss as to what direction to take. The past should stay in the past, a life can be redeemed, and we are the sum of our experiences, all of them.
Lessons aren’t confined to books. Wisdom may be found in the oddest of places and we should never discount knowledge no matter where it comes. Even if that places happens to be in The Twilight Zone.
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