Category Archives: Life In General

aftermath

March 31, 2015 6:23 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Recently someone who I am very fond of was the victim of a crime.  Physically she’s fine and I think emotionally she’s fine too.  She’s remarkably strong.  But even the most resilient of us can be somewhat marred by such an experience.

I’ve been mugged a couple of times, I’ve known other people who have had their homes or offices burglarized, I’ve known victims of domestic abuse.  Crimes such as these tend to leave a type of blemish or scar on the soul that is sometimes hard to see or make out.

Even the most “benign” or transitory of crimes can be a jarring experience for the victim.  I think part of the reason is the wanton violation of one’s personal space.  The thought that someone can come in at will and impose themselves on you that way would be unsettling to anyone.

What you thought of as “safe” places suddenly need to be re-evaluated.  Someone I know had their office burglarized and he came to the office after it happened and slept in the office with a loaded gun.  His space had been violated and he felt he had to re-establish it as his own.

The other thing is that these type of crimes make you feel jumpy about strangers.  You no longer look at strangers with the same kind of trust and open mind like you once did.

The damage, though it may not show, is real.  You want to help.  But you really shouldn’t.

Not at first anyways.  Something like this has to be dealt with by the person, first and foremost.  They have a lot to sort out and a lot to work through.  Most people do it on their own and at their own pace.

We as friends and family need only stand by if needed.  Just let them know that you’re available and let things work themselves out.  Frustrating sometimes but the best way to handle the situation.

Sometimes though if the person affected doesn’t seem to be healing or moving forward it may be necessary to step in but usually it’s best done with the help of a trained professional.

It may not seem as if you’re doing anything by just standing by, but believe me, you are.  If you are in some way needed, the person will let you know what they need from you so don’t worry about it.

Posted in: friends, life in general, relationships, security

relax

March 27, 2015 6:08 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I’ve been running full tilt this year.  Been keeping busy as much as possible and trying to get things done and trying out as many new activities as I can in my spare time.

I’ve been programming my spare time, mainly the weekends, for the last few months and I’ve been able to see and do a lot of cool and fun stuff these few months.

But inevitably you are going to get a weekend that you’re not going to have anything to do.  Now to clarify, I always have some chore or some thing to accomplish but I generally have more spare time on the weekends, generally in the evenings, to do something and I’ve been putting that to good use.

Like I said however, you’re going to roll into one of those weekends where either nothing appeals to you particularly, or the timing doesn’t work out, or you just don’t feel like doing anything in particular.

Unprogrammed time.  It happens.  In a way it’s a good thing.  Just a chance to let things settle down and let your mind relax.  We all need that sort of weekend from time to time.  At first I was a bit anxious about it as I thought to myself “come on, I have to have some “thing” to do”

But really this is just one weekend out of hundreds.  Maybe this will give me a chance to reflect, to take turn off the smart phone and just think, or at the very least just hit the reset button on my mind and start fresh on Monday morning.

Putting pressure on myself to have something to do is good in most cases but becoming fixated on that notion is not.  Using this time to really relax is a gift I should embrace.

 

Posted in: attitude, habits, hobbies, life in general, plans, rest, thought

the right sales pitch

March 25, 2015 6:33 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Whether you work in retail level sales or make multi-million dollar pitches you have one thing in common with every door to door salesman, car stereo salesman, used car salesman, real estate agent, or girl scout peddling cookies door to door; you have to convince someone else to buy something from you.

Somehow and in someway you have to convince another person to spend some of their hard-earned capital and invest in your product or service or, if you think about it in you.

One of the challenges of modern sales is crafting a pitch that will be appropriate to your audience.  In the past I figured a one size fits all approach would work best.  My approach would be to write or present as much technical information about the product or service as I could remember.  To essentially cover my bases and give them all they could ever want to know and hopefully the product or service would sell itself.

This did not turn out to be the best approach.  I mean think about it.  Who wants to hear all the dull technical minutiae?  That’s right!  Technical guys.  The ones paid to know all the nuts and bolts of the operation.  They not only wouldn’t mind hearing this stuff, they would insist upon it.  They are the ones that will talk your ears off about all the little details.

Middle managers and creative types on the other hand don’t really want to get all of that.  They want to know that the “thing” will work for them.  Oh sure, they will have some questions or they may bring in some experts with their own questions but their main focus is accomplishing their goals.

Then of course you have the boss level event.  The CEO, or the President, or whatever that person’s title is. This individual’s time is at a premium.  They definitely don’t have the time for the full dog and pony act and they don’t haggle about pricing.

Your presentation has to be short and to the point.  You also have to discuss the appropriate topic.  Talk about the challenges to their business, about possible opportunities for both firms to work together, make an abstract of how cooperation between both business could be beneficial.

Every once in a while you do get the boss that wants to know those technical details or wants to talk shop so be ready for that but most of the time those bosses are late to their next meeting and can’t spare the time.  They will most likely turn you over to someone else in the company if they’re interested.

If you think about it, every sales person out there will run into one of these type of clients in their working life.  Being prepared with the appropriate response level will help get you to close deals more often and even if you don’t close today, that potential customer will have a much more favorable impression of your sales abilities and will remember that in the future.

Posted in: business, life in general, sales

A ripe old age

March 23, 2015 6:23 AM , Leave a Comment ,

A few months back one of my friends that regularly eschews all health related advice was discussing longevity.  Someone pointed out that some simple lifestyle choices may help him live a longer life.  He retorted “maybe it wasn’t that he would live longer but rather that it would seem longer.”  Meaning of course that he would have to get rid of all the enjoyable parts of life and live a pretty dismal existence just to get in a few more years of life.

The reason I thought about this conversation was that I saw a couple of news articles the other day.  One was about a 100-year-old woman who celebrated her birthday by skydiving and the other article was about a 104 year old that drank 3 soft drinks a day.

How is it that some people can live seemingly reckless lives and still feel vital in their later years while others practice control and are careful and may be lucky to reach 70?

Certainly genetics plays a large role in this.  Research has shown that some people are not only genetically predisposed to live longer but also may be predisposed to sidestepping certain congenital diseases such as cancers or heart disease.

Lifestyle will of course count somewhat in how you fare in your later years.  No matter how lucky you are in the genetic lottery mistreating your body is still a terrible idea and mistreating your body to the point that you cause it severe damage is just a bad overall strategy that may mean that you will not be able to enjoy all the benefits of your body into your later years.

But I suppose the main crux of my friend’s argument is that making sacrifices for the long haul just isn’t so appealing if in the long run you have nothing to look forward to but a bland existence.  In that I think he misses the point.

Just because you don’t go out and party every night when you’re young doesn’t have to mean that you are doomed to a spartan existence for the rest of your life. Rather, living a more regulated and moderated lifestyle gives you chances to do more down the years.

I feel lucky that I have survived my younger and wilder years fairly unscathed and that I am now more serious about my health.  I look forward to many years of exploiting my continuing health to try out more experiences, do new things, and savor what the future may bring.

Sure I get frustrated when someone on social media posts about a new restaurant or when someone tells me about a hot new bar or whatever place that they went to.  I would love to do more of these things.  But then again I also hear about their hangovers and having to go to the doctor for stomach problems or having to refill prescriptions that I have thus far avoided.  They won’t get to look forward to some of the things that I will get to enjoy later in life.

As long as I can keep my moderated lifestyle going I think that over time I will be the one that enjoys life more.

Posted in: aging, diet, exercise, genetics, health, life in general

image and substance

March 19, 2015 6:51 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Back when I was growing up I always heard from my elders that it mattered more to be good than to look good.  The idea that substance mattered more than style.  I was encouraged not to think about how polished or how well I presented myself or my ideas.  The substance was the most important part and for the most part I agreed with this point of view and still do to a small degree.

Time passed of course and I entered college and later went into the workforce and started realizing that style and presentation did matter.  At first style didn’t matter as I was in basic production work and everything that I did or produced would be passed up the chain to a boss or sub-boss who would polish the work and put it into a format that the client would receive.

I was then moved into a position where I had more contact with clients and I began to have an appreciation of style and delivery.  Also I began to appreciate that how you presented yourself might directly affect any possible sales or projects.  I had to write coherent proposals, I had to speak with confidence, I had to become more gregarious and outgoing.  A difficult process that is still ongoing to this day.

So really in the end it has turned out that it’s not good enough to be good or to look good but that you have to both be good and look good at the same time.

Effectively presenting yourself and your ideas can be as if not more crucial than your actual ideas.  But of course if you don’t have a good idea (product, proposal, whatever) in the first place, then all the polish and slick words will mean nothing.

The more I think about this the more I’ve come to the conclusion that this is the way that things have always been.  Even before I was born people have had to both look and be good in order to get ahead.  The notion that this is a new phenomena is preposterous.

So we live in an extremely competitive world where we have to strive and stretch to do our best not just in our business but our personal lives.  Those that can’t look good while being good will find the path to success much more difficult.

 

Posted in: activities, business, culture, life in general, skills

The zen of doing

March 17, 2015 6:43 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I find driving fills me with a self-confidence or smoothness that I have no where else in my life.  The act of guiding a ton and a half of metal down an asphalt path at high-speed seems to fit me like no other activity does.  I seem to have an almost symbiotic relationship with vehicles of any type.  Admittedly when I first get to know a new car or vehicle I’m horrible.  But soon that changes and given enough time I become a virtuoso. I can feel how much or how little pressure it takes to change direction or to alter the weight of my foot on the accelerator to get just enough acceleration to pass someone else without going all out.  In return I can “feel” when the engine makes an odd noise or when the pavement changes or if that driver to the left and behind me is getting too close to my bumper.

Perhaps it’s the affinity of someone who spends a lot of time around vehicles.  Perhaps it’s the stillborn soul of the jet pilot that I never grew up to be screaming for release. The awkward and unsure clod melts away and in his place is a confident and suave operator manipulating the control with a minimum of effort and creating ballet like results on the road.

In Japanese there is the concept of mushin no shin, or loosely translated into English, no mind.  This is a state of mind where someone has so thoroughly mastered a skill or a movement that he can do it without thinking.  The individual does not think at all about the action but the body follows the action perfectly without any need to think.

This state of mind (state of being?) mainly applies to physical actions such as various martial arts or sports where an individual will practice and practice until the actions become innate.

This state however can also be found in other activities that are not physical.  For example, some chessmasters that I have seen play can readily dispatch opponents of lesser skill with the minimum of concentration and very few moves.  Some painters I know seem to go through their painting process seemingly not even drawing a breath but deliberately and systematically painting a scene as if they’d done it a million times.

This is the state of mind that I want to achieve not just in one aspect of my life but in more if not all aspects.  Being so self-confident and so sure of my actions that I can proceed ahead without thought or without hesitation.

If I can focus my intent to this degree then what could I not achieve?

 

Posted in: activities, driving, life in general, skills

Hidden biases and how they may affect others

March 13, 2015 6:44 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Most people have by now heard about the racist chant incident at the University of Oklahoma.  They have also probably heard about  the University’s swift response in dealing with the incident.  Most people will leave it there.

I would like to believe that the incident was an anomaly.  A fluke that only existed in a single chapter of a fraternity and that it wasn’t representative of a hidden problem throughout the Greek system.

It’s difficult to tell as the national organizations that coordinate the Greek system don’t carry statistics on the racial make up of these frats.  By accident or by design we are left in the dark as to how integrated these groups are.

Why does it matter?  It matters because first and foremost these frats (and sororities) are networking clubs.  Social connections that help bind future business, political, and military leaders of tomorrow.  The people who help set the agenda for the rest of the population may be found in some of these groups.

Secondly, the opinions, attitudes, lessons, and biases that they receive while they’re in these frats may affect these individuals hiring practices, social attitudes, and thinking patterns well into adult life.

Lastly, the fact that these groups are exclusionary and in some cases may be deliberately excluding people based on some arbitrary standard means that some groups may be denied the opportunities to rise that these frat members enjoy.

Look, I’m not saying that every frat in America and every frat member is a bigot of some sort.  Far from it. Many fraternities are very community minded groups that really do take to heart the ideals that they espouse.  They help to mold young college students into the future leaders of America.  While all that is true however I think there is also no denying that some individuals and even chapters out there are trapped in outdated and bigoted mindsets.  Mindsets that purposefully try to exclude others for a variety of reasons.

It’s long past the time that these type of ideas are allowed to exist, even unofficially, in these type of groups.  The Greek system owes it to the nation as well as to itself to root out these attitudes and clean its house of this hidden cancer.  If fraternities an sororities want to stay relevant or even just exist in the 21st century then they must leave the 19th century behind.

 

Posted in: life in general, racism, school, social networks

The Rodeo and the new Houston

March 9, 2015 5:50 PM , Leave a Comment ,

Houston has been struggling hard for the last few years to shed its “hick” and “cowboy” labels and take its place as a cosmopolitan city that it is and as a nexus for several different cultures to mix and mingle.  Yet at its core it still retains some of that wild west persona.

This becomes extremely evident at the end of February and in early March when the Houston Livestock show and Rodeo takes place.  The Rodeo was and is a celebration of Houston’s agricultural and ranching ties.  A throwback to the days when cattle trails wound their way up and down the state and more people worked in and around Houston in the cattle and livestock industries.

For generations, Houston kids could go downtown with their families and watch goggle eyed as the cowboys rode in a parade in their western finery and marching bands played and all manner of floats and displays rolled past.  They could then go to the Rodeo and look at the animals and talk to the cowboys and just take in the country culture.

Eventually music acts were added to the Rodeo.  Some of the music isn’t even country music and truthfully the musical acts are now a big part of the Rodeo.  In fact for some that’s all that the Rodeo represents to them.  I think without the music the Rodeo itself would have been much diminished and would not be having record crowds.

As it stands now the Rodeo is an integral part of the Houston experience.  Something that can really be only found here.  I think that it’s a positive for Houston.  As much as I would like to see Houston “grow up” and become more worldly, to have more culture, to be thought of as a first rung city (and it is, I admit it we’ve done amazing things in the last 20 years), I still want it to retain some of its own character.

I don’t want us to become a clone of one of the eastern cities, or another Los Angeles.  I want us to become our own city.  Incorporate the best aspects of other cities, add in the valuable contributions of our large immigrant populations from all over the world, but retain something of what Houston was.

If we can do all those things we can build a city that people will want to come and see, a city that others will want to emulate.  Part of that process is embracing events like the Rodeo and helping it flourish.  Events like this give us something special and point to as uniquely Houstonian.

Posted in: activities, Astrodome, culture, current events, Houston, life in general

Poetry

March 1, 2015 6:27 AM , Leave a Comment ,

No, this isn’t a poetry entry.  Just some thoughts on the subject.

I went to a poetry reading the other day and they had two poets reading from some of their latest books.  I regularly attend readings by a local group called Inprint, which brings notable authors to Houston.

One poet struck a particular chord within me.  His poems dealt with his relationship with his father who had recently passed away.  His words so eloquently expressed his feelings as he dealt with his loss with a minimum of diction.  Yet even though he didn’t write down all that much the few words that he did write down beautifully expressed his sentiments and the feeling of the moment.

It has always amazed me how poets can work with words and weave them so intricately and so expertly and even though I work with the same media that they can make something so elegant and so concise whereas I feel that my writing is at best a ham-fisted approach to distill and convey a message to my readers.

Their approach, their technique, can be likened to a delicate ballet whilst mine is merely clumsy clog dancing.  I have to admit that I have always been envious of that but not jealous.  I know deep down inside that I am no poet.  While I can admire their craft and appreciate what they have written I know it’s not something that I could ever do.  So I don’t resent their talent and ability to express themselves so eloquently.

My talent, if indeed I do have any talent, lies in clumsily expressing myself in a more pedestrian and unremarkable prosaic style.  Presenting the facts, all the facts, before the reader and lending them my sense of the scene as I see and guiding them through the action.

Hopefully some day, something that I write will be found worth printing and I will be able to share this with a much wider audience.  It won’t be a pretty dance of words like that of these poets but exhibited but I hope that it will be worth reading.

 

 

Posted in: life in general, thought, writing

The real vs the ideal

February 21, 2015 6:57 AM , Leave a Comment ,

Something that I thought might be fun to compare would be how I want to spend my week versus how I actually spend it.  This won’t be a minutely detailed exposition of my entire week but to give some generalized idea of how it goes and how it’s supposed to go.

Part of it is to give some insight into my daily activities but also for me to review how I tend to spend my time and to see where I might refocus or reinterpret the way that I spend my time.

Monday through Thursday

Ideally – Waking up at 3:45 and getting suited up to run my 7 daily miles and finishing up just in time to catch a quick shower and begin the workday at 5.  Getting on the phone and on Skype to chat to clients in the middle east and Asia as their workday comes to a close. Lunch at 11 and finishing up by 2 so I can hit the gym for an hour’s worth of swimming or free weights.  Come home for a couple extra hours of office work till 6.  Spend some time writing this blog or working on some fiction.  Wind down the day with a book and get to sleep round 9:30

In reality – Waking round 2:30 or 3 or 3:30 and trying to convince myself or negotiate with myself into going out to run.  Running somewhat panicked to get back home before 5 to start work.  Dealing with a half-dozen “emergencies” that have cropped up overnight while I was asleep and not getting any actual work that I’m supposed to be doing till about 9 or 10.  Lunch at 11 or 11:30 or 12 or when work allows. Aiming to finish at 2 but in actuality closer to 3 or sometimes 4.  Taking care of relatives or household chores that need to be done.  Hitting the gym if and when possible and then coming back to do more office work till 7 or 8.  Writing bits and pieces here and there.  Feeling too wound up to read anything substantial and instead trying to finish the day with some silly YouTube videos or some light magazine articles to fall asleep round 10 or 11

Friday

Ideally – Similar to the regular work week but at the end of the day letting things rest over the weekend and preparing to go out.  Everything in its time and place, right?  Going out but not too late so as to work out Saturday morning.

In reality – This is the day when everyone wants everything done and done right away.  It most definitely cannot wait till Monday and no we don’t care what plans you made already.  It will get done no matter how late it gets.

Saturday

Ideally – a good workout to begin the day and then relaxing.  Noontime nap and then using the afternoon to write or create or plan.  Hopefully with friends at some coffee-house.  Enjoying Saturday evening at some event.

In reality – Trying to find any least excuse to stay in bed.  Working out and trying to make up for lost time during the week.  Grocery shopping to do, things to be repaired, things to be mended.  Running late as usual and the afternoon blurs into the evening.  Trying to find something to do since you haven’t had time to plan ahead

Sunday

Ideally – Sleeping in a little longer.  Stretching and taking a calming run.  Looking over the paper and some bills and having  leisurely breakfast or even a brunch.  Starting up the computer to read over some work emails, and then napping in the afternoon.  Making an early night of it to start fresh on Monday.

In reality – Getting called at 2AM on a Sunday morning by a grad student from India who tracked down your home phone number and demands free data for his dissertation due in 2 months time.Staying awake for the rest of the night and feeling slightly worse than death for the rest of the day.  Being shocked by all the bills due for payment.  Doing office work and seeing 5 emails from the same grad student in your inbox. Staying up late and wondering if it’s all worth it.

Posted in: activities, habits, life in general, schedules