Category Archives: Psychology

Attitude is everything

July 17, 2015 6:21 AM , Leave a Comment ,

 

“When a cat is at the rat hole, ten thousand rats dare not come out” – Master Wang

 

 

We all have challenges to deal with in this life.  But how much harder do we ourselves make life when we have the wrong attitude?  Conversely how much easier does life get when you adopt the right frame of mind?

The cute little video above illustrates this point perfectly.  From a small feline full of attitude and just sitting to a nervous dog that looks at only the perils involved in the situation to the conclusion where the dog faces his fear and decides to go ahead and risk the worst possible fate.

But you say that’s just animals.  Animals can’t think.  They can’t reason and aren’t as advanced as humans.

I say “Aren’t they lucky?”  Humans are at least ten times worse at such things.  Our psyche tends to warp and tangle up our thought process till we’re left immobile and helpless by our fears.  In some ways our supposedly advanced nature is actually a handicap at times.  We can be our own worst enemies and our harshest critics.  Add in the human imagination and some paranoia and you’ll never set foot outside ever again.

We can however choose the route that we take through life.  The above example provides three such paths.

Firstly is the path of the scared dog.  We can look at life as a series of insurmountable challenges, and every decision fraught with danger and potential risk everywhere.  We can see each step as a potential calamity and always go looking for the easiest and safest path to go through life.  You’ll make it but your trip won’t be very long and it won’t be very interesting and you’ll often find yourself stopping and yielding to others.

Secondly is the path of the cat.  If you begin with the right attitude you can see life as something that is owed to you.  Something that you own and have every right to, then you can enter into any situation and act as if you’re the master of all you see. Now, this path can only get you so far.  Bluster and bravado are great but they aren’t substance.  However you can get substance along the way to back up that bluster and get really far in life.

Lastly is the path of the brave dog. After seeing all the perils ahead and considering the risks you proceed on anyways.  You’ve carefully measured the potential down side of the situation and decide that you could live with the possible disaster.  You won’t always be successful and you won’t escape unmarred but you will get through in the end because of your determination.

“He ponders the dangers inherent in the advantages, and the advantages inherent in the danger.” – Ts’ao Ts’ao

 

Which is the path for you?  That I can’t tell you.  That depends on your situation just as much as it does on your mental attitude.  All I can tell you is that you can’t make a wrong choice or a right choice.  But you are free to choose.

 

 

Posted in: attitude, life in general, psychology

How to tell if someone likes you

June 27, 2015 6:56 AM , Leave a Comment ,

[Author’s note: Admittedly this is somewhat of a juvenile topic but I am at a somewhat low ebb as far as topic ideas go, so this is pretty much filler material.  Hope to come up with some good topics soon.]

So you’ve set your sights on your one true love (for this week), but you don’t know whether that person reciprocates your affections.  You want to know for sure before you commit yourself wholeheartedly into this affair but how to find out discreetly?

Here are some surefire (fairly sure that they might work) methods that will ascertain the truth or at the very least give you excuses to do have some stupid or zany adventures.

1.  touch.  Does she hug you harder or for a longer period of time than you think might be appropriate for a casual acquaintance.  Extra pats on the back.  That may be inconclusive.  Maybe she’s a habitual hugger.  Set up an experiment and send some mutual acquaintances to meet her and stand by with a stopwatch and clipboard.  Get at least 20 people to do this to have a good control group.

2.  humor.  Does she laugh at the most stupid and ridiculous and quite frankly inane jokes that you tell?  Get a joke book of some of the worst jokes you can find, memorize and tell them to her and gauge her reaction.  Knock knock jokes are always a good test.  Anything above a chuckle is a sure tell.

3.  personal thoughts.  Is she sharing things with you that she normally would not?  Does she know that you will not divulge those secrets to anyone and trusts your judgment?  Give her some fake “personal information” and see if she will reciprocate with some of her own secrets.  Tell her about your crazy Aunt Milly and see if she admits to madness in her family.

4.  Body language.  Does she stand closer to you than normal?  Is her body closed off or open when talking to you?  Step in extra close and see if she backs off or holds her ground.  Back off a bit and see if she closes the gap.  Now step in and step back.  In and back, in and back.  Now you’re dancing.

5. interests.  Does she share interests with you that she probably doesn’t like but likes because you like them?  Find the most boring and tedious part of your interest and see if she likes that too.

So after all that do the signs look good?  Is it time to take the plunge, risk it all, do the leap of faith thing?…..  Plunge right in and take this friendship to the next level…. or totally misinterpret things and ruin your friendship.

Yeah….  Maybe some more observation is called for.

 

[Author’s note 2: Okay, admittedly this was more a humorous post than anything else.  But I think there is a little hint of the male thought process when it comes to trying to determine whether someone is attracted to him.  The most confident of men become stumbling bumbling teenage boys.  Specially if they really like a person.  It’s easy to advise them to “just ask them” but when the stakes are high you really don’t want to screw things up.  Possibly damned if you do, probably damned if you don’t.]

Posted in: dating, humor, psychology, relationships

Is beauty necessary?

February 15, 2015 11:21 AM , Leave a Comment ,

[Author’s note:  This is the next in a series of writing challenges first proposed to me by Leslie Farnsworth.  Leslie has organized and expanded the challenge to include a larger group of excellent blog writers.  Once per month, one member of the group will propose a topic and we will all give our own unique take on the subject.  This latest installment was proposed by Rebecca Harvey.  You may want to look at the other bloggers listed below to see what they came up with:]

My thinking on this topic began with meditating on the topic of beauty itself.  Why does it exist in the first place?  Why are some things beautiful and some things ugly and how do we make the distinction?

We all have our preferences in life.  No matter what the subject is, no matter how public or personal, we know what we like and what we don’t like.  Generally these things have to do with the more basic and primal aspects of our being.  Those aspects that determine our survival.

Throughout evolution the beauty aspect has helped the individual find that member of the opposite gender that presented the best possible chance that one’s offspring would not only survive but prosper.  As environmental conditions change or a species moves into a new territory sometimes the requirements for surviving changes and beauty standards may change as well.  As a tangent line of thought, this may also be where fashion originates, but that’s something to think about another day.

For humans and our immediate predecessors, beauty standards dictated that our potential mates be in generally good physical condition, be larger than other potential mates, and have some advantageous adaptation to the local environment.

Of course this standard varied from situation to situation and from time to time.  Cultural norms have come to play a huge role in what we consider to be beautiful.  Some cultures will accentuate or even exaggerate some body part that is considered desirable.  Those cultures would use clothing, make up, or body modification to achieve the desired look.  These practices can of course be carried to extremes.  In certain cultures around the world being fat and having poor or no teeth was considered beautiful as it meant that the particular individual had access to excess food supplies and in particular access to sugar which for a very long time was a luxury food item.  Even though having poor dental hygiene is in fact a sign of bad health the practice continued on until the improvement of economic situations in these cultures made this a less desirable beauty trait.

As I said previously culture plays a big role in what we consider to be beautiful.  Wealth is an aspect of culture that can dictate how we or other people live their lives.  Whether we measure wealth by number of farm animals we own, or land we control, or pieces of paper we have in a bank.  Money represents power and power has always been beautiful whether we like it or not.

But do we still need the old beauty standards of good health and attractive features?  In the urban situation where most humans live,  where we no longer have to hunt for food or run away from predators or scavenge and go hungry for weeks or months at a time and where physique is no longer as important, is it still valid to judge others with those old beauty standards?  Surely if you are searching for a potential mate and you take into consideration their ability to earn wealth then a potential mate is to be judged by their ability to think, plan, and create content and thus participate in the idea economy rather than by their physical development and their ability to chop wood, or plow a field, or hunt.

That would be true in an ideal world but one thing we have begun to discover is that this human built environment has its own challenges.  Sedentary lifestyles now represent the largest danger to those living in cities.  We have access to too much food and little need to exert ourselves as vigorously as we once did.  Heart disease, diabetes, and cancers are the biggest killers of all these days.  Diseases that were previously kept in check by harder and more physical lifestyles.  Those individuals that work out and keep fit are still considered beautiful as they seem to reject the sedentary lifestyles that lead to these diseases.

A secondary consideration relating to our new economy is that you may have the best ideas in the world but if you can’t convey those ideas to large groups of other people then your idea won’t be successful.  As our means of communications are becoming more and more visual and as our minds respond better to beautiful things, even if just sub-consciously, then  we turn again to the old beauty standards.  We trust the beautiful, we listen to the beautiful, we envy the beautiful.  The ugly, not so much.  One famous example was the Kennedy-Nixon debate.  Those that listened to the event on radio gave the debate to Nixon as the more persuasive speaker but the vast majority of the population that saw the event on TV gave the debate to the younger and more attractive Kennedy.

So is beauty necessary?  I wouldn’t call it necessary as I would call it a factor to be aware of and something to take into consideration. I think we have to be aware that beauty does play a factor in our lives however much we may eschew this and even think this a banal consideration it does exist and does have the power to alter our decision-making process.

Posted in: blogs, culture, fashion, genetics, ideas, life in general, psychology, relationships, thought

Gear

January 17, 2014 6:24 AM , 2 Comments ,

Every six months or so I have to replace my running shoes.  Being a person with low arches sucks.  I not only have to replace my shoes but I need arch support.  So I have to break in not only shoes but arch supports.

The first few days are not pleasant, so I try to use my old shoes for as long as possible before I finally admit that my old pair are totally run down and useless.

Things get worse when the old brand that you have grown accustomed to is either no longer made or has fallen off in quality.

An athlete (and I am in no way claiming that I am one) has a mental state to maintain as well as a physical state.  They have to make sure that everything is right otherwise their performance will suffer when they’re in the middle of a competition.

Similarly I have to feel that the gear I use will work as intended and that it works with the other gear I have.  Now I don’t go as far as some athletes.  The last time I bought new shoes I had to wait because the previous customer wanted his new shoes to match his sunflower yellow running shorts and the staff was going nuts looking for the appropriate shoes in the stock room.

Fashion is the last thing on my mind on the running trails.

So finally I have my new running shoes and I am going through the awkward breaking in period.  Some discomfort, but with every step I feel my feet becoming accustomed and accepting the new shoes.  In a month or two I won’t be able to imagine running in anything else.

Posted in: psychology, running

Omens and symbols

December 16, 2013 9:03 PM , Leave a Comment ,

I suppose that in some ways I am superstitious.  But only because these things really happen to me.

I’m a precog, someone who can see into the future, but like most precogs it’s a fairly useless power and not at all reliable.  I will get an image in my mind.  Something pops up for no reason at all.  No trigger mechanism, no casual mention by anyone, just appears in my head.  Within a week an event relating to that image will occur.

In the past this mostly this took the form of predicting TV show reruns.  I would see a scene or character from a TV show and sure enough within a week, there’s the episode.  Now that I have for the most part abandoned TV watching this type of precognition has for the most part faded.

Now it takes the form of omens in my life.  Good example, this week.  I thought about my car’s extended warranty less than a week ago.  No reason at all.  My car’s in the shop right now for transmission work.  Hopefully the warranty will cover it.

Not at all a useful power.  It’s hard to sift between the real omens and the random thoughts and it’s not something that can be accessed at will.  I’ve discussed this phenomena with some of my more philosophically and metaphysically minded friends and acquaintances.  Their thinking points mainly to the writings of Jung and his concept of synchronicity and meaningful causality.  That these are not just random events but an expression of some sort of deeper organized pattern.  I just try to ignore it as best as possible.

Symbols are another matter.  I suppose they’re an expression of those things in life that I’ve come to sort internally as good/bad, better/worse, positive/negative.  They can range from the rather inane and pedestrian to esoteric and deeply personal.

Take some of the more banal symbols out there.  Coca cola for instance, not the drink but the logo, the colors, the font.  Comparing that to the Pepsi symbol.  When I was growing up the Coke symbol was good and Pepsi was bad just based on the logos.  Bizarre I know but that’s how a kid thinks.  My universe was sorted along strict lines and things like coke and pepsi were well and truly separated by an unbridgeable gap.  Of course now that I am free from my cola and fructose addictions I see all of these as “bad” symbols.

Over time I have added and disregarded symbols as time passed and as situations changed.  As much as I try to disregard these symbols and keep an open mind about things I find that they do sneak in and flavor my thinking about some things.  All I can do is to try to remain vigilant and keep my mind as open as possible.

 

 

Posted in: ideas, life in general, myths, psychology, thought

psychometric tests or why I’m none of these things

October 31, 2013 8:28 PM , Leave a Comment ,

I first heard of personality tests back in college.  I probably took one of the first online tests.  My results have always been pretty consistent.

I knew that I was introverted even before I knew the word, so that was no great shock.  The rest though…

ISTJ – Sometimes known as “the inspector”.  A short little description from Wikipedia:

“ISTJs are faithful, logical, organized, sensible, and earnest traditionalists who enjoy keeping their lives and environments well-regulated. Typically reserved and serious individuals, they earn success through their thoroughness and extraordinary dependability.

Although they often focus on their internal world, ISTJs prefer dealing with the present and the factual. They are detail-oriented and weigh various options when making decisions, although they generally stick to the conventional. ISTJs are well-prepared for eventualities and have a good understanding of most situations. They believe in practical objectives, and they value traditions and loyalty.”

This is where I began to have my doubts.  Well regulated, organized, sensible?  me?!?!

However much I disagreed, the type kept coming back.  Whether from online tests or tests done on paper and proctored by professionals, the results were the same and in time I came to accept it.  I was an ISTJ and I would have to accept it.

A couple of weeks ago, just on a whim I took an online test and the result was startling.  Startling enough for me to pay for a professional retest and the results were confirmed.  My personality type had migrated.

I have never heard of this happening before.

I am now an INFJ.

“INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding of themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.

INFJs have been mistaken for extroverts, as they tend to possess multiple personalities due to their complex inner life; however, they are true introverts. INFJs are private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Though they are very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.”

It feels a little closer to the truth of my personality.  I don’t however think any of these types really define who I am.  The types are so broad and so vague that they could really describe anyone.  It reminds me a bit of fortune-telling tricks used to encourage people to pay more money to hear more about themselves.

I feel that I have evolved some in the last 5 years but I am still in transition and have not arrived at my final form yet.  I think however that this is getting closer to that final form.  With a little bit of tweaking I may be able to get comfortable in this new personality type.

Posted in: personality, psychology