Category Archives: Relationships

tending your relationship garden

April 3, 2014 6:27 AM , Leave a Comment ,

 

Azalea time in Houston. Late March 2014

Azalea time in Houston. Late March 2014

I don’t know why humans react to flowers.  Maybe it’s some sort of deeply ingrained evolutionary tendency that somehow promotes survival?  Who knows.  But along with things like art or music they seem to enhance life much in the way that relationships do.

I used to have more time for gardening.  Relaxing in its own way.  Gardening is not difficult and the results can be fairly predictable.  Plants are simple souls and their needs aren’t that complicated; food, water, light, and air.  Just the things needed for life.  Some people over-complicate matters and think that you need to sit around measuring exact quantities of fertilizer or use mist sprayers to water some plants. Foolishness.  Nature has been taking care of these needs long before we came around and plants did just fine without all this fuss.

The one thing that they do require that I don’t have much of these days is time.

Some plants of course need more time and effort than others.  Lawns are vast and green and other than the occasional fertilizing and watering in the Summer, they will do nicely on their own.

A Texas Live Oak that reigns supreme over my back yard.

A Texas Live Oak that reigns supreme over my back yard.

Trees will pretty much look after themselves.  At times they may need a pruning but more often than not they’re the ones taking care of us by providing shelter from storms and cover from the hot summer Sun.

Flowers are where it gets more involved.  If you expect them to bloom and give you the show that you want each Spring and Summer then you have to put in the extra time.  They need more water and food and weeding.  Really, it boils down to just more attention.  Of course you have those hardy perennials out there that do well in any circumstance but the one’s that put on the really bright blooms and best colors, those you have to spend more time with.

Relationships are a lot like plants.  If you look at your life you will see a vast green carpet of acquaintances.  People at work, at the market, from the gym, the internet, or wherever.  They just need a friendly “hello” from time to time and they’re happy.  They take care of themselves.

You have your trees, or your family but more specifically your parents.  They have towered over you and protected you since you can remember and just like trees they seem to be permanent.  For the most part they have no need for special tending and they stand by you no matter what.

But then you come to the flowers in your life.  You have the hardy perennials that will continue to bloom no matter what nature throws at them or how little you tend them.  They are your stalwart friends and will be there for you even if you’re not there for them.  Not the prettiest but the most reliable.

Although more dowdy than other flowers, this red Daisy has survived droughts, floods, and freezes and continues to bloom no matter what. Yet it asks very little in return.

Although more dowdy than other flowers, this Gerber Daisy has survived droughts, floods, and freezes and continues to bloom no matter what. Yet it asks very little in return.

And of course you have your other flowers that do need your constant care.  Unlike perennials they will wither and die without you there.  They bloom due to the attention that you pay to them.  That’s what they need from you.  You may complain that they take up too much of your time but when they do bloom it’s well worth it.  That is the reciprocal nature of the relationship in exchange for your attention they return attention, care, and love back to you.

The people you want close to you in life need that extra attention, they deserve it.  I mean if the point is to create, preserve and even extend a permanent bond then care and attention must be paid.  No shortcuts are possible.

I suppose all I can tell you is that relationships are like flowers or teeth.  You only need to take care of the one’s you want to keep.

Posted in: relationships

going the extra step

March 24, 2014 7:04 AM , 2 Comments ,

We live in a world where 40 hours a week sometimes doesn’t cut it anymore.  The advent of email, texts, and phone messages means that you’re reachable by your superiors or clients at nearly any time of day.  Challenges or opportunities can come up at any time and you’d better be able to answer them.

In a large corporation this doesn’t matter as much.  You have multiple teams of people to work on a problem or project and if you don’t do it then someone else will.  Either way the company prospers.  But if you’re in a small business then more often than not you have to burn the midnight oil.

I’ve had to do this on several occasions in order to write up proposals for clients that waited till the last second to request a quotation or to finish up projects by a particular deadline.  In particular I once did a 72 hour marathon session that other than for food or bathroom breaks I never left the computer.  Not something that I’m eager to repeat.

As an employer you do this because this is your company, your trade, your passion.  In essence this is you.  You are working on the embodiment of your ideas and your dreams made manifest in stone or on paper or in electronic files.  This business represents all that you are and hope you will become.  So you better be willing to put in that extra time.

So as an employee why do this?  I mean if you’ve signed a contract as an hourly or salaried employee and you put in your honest 40 hours a week then why go that extra mile?  Basically it’s all comes down to keeping the company going.  When you’re in a small business every contract is crucial no matter what the size is.  Not only are you worried about completing contracts and getting paid but you also worry about your reputation as a reliable source of products and services.  This indirectly impacts whether your next paycheck will be valid or will even come at all.

Just as a side note it doesn’t look good on a resume to note that the last company you worked at failed.  May not be your fault but it still looks bad.

Bosses should take note.  Specially when it comes to salaried employees that are putting in that extra time and effort to keep your small business going.  Note the cheerleaders that try and boost your co-workers spirits.  Note the go-getters that have the passion for the work and are always asking for more responsibility.  Note the supporting cast that do their work quietly and behind the scenes and are always quietly there for you.

Show appreciation.  Doesn’t always have to take a monetary form, though I would be lying if I said that workers don’t like more money.  But after a project is done (and I mean right after, I don’t mean 2 weeks later or at the end of the year) let them know you appreciate the extra work.  It’s a small company.  Walk around to their desks, cubicles, or whatever.  A 5 or less minute talk with each of them won’t take too much out of your busy schedule.  Ask if the project was too much to handle or if something could have been done better.

If they do something wrong you’re going to let them know about it, right?  Then let them know when they do something right.

Employees, realize that the small business owner has a lot at stake in this little company.  They not only have to keep an eye on your performance but on everyone else and they have to take care of a myriad of other details that you don’t even notice but take for granted.  They never get a 40 hour work week.  You can always walk away and find a new job, they can’t.  They’re there for every up and down.

They feel each failure deeper than you do.  Reach out to them when they need it.  Listen to what they have to say and do it their way.  Cut them some slack.

To both sides, reach out, talk, understand.  You’re in this together.

Posted in: business, relationships

Sales in the international arena

March 12, 2014 7:24 AM , 2 Comments ,

I originally wanted to call this post “Building your future on BRICs” but that would give you a false impression about sales to international clients.  No doubt that the BRIC (Brazil, Russia, India, and China) countries are important players in the world economy but they are not the only people out there that look for high quality goods and services from American companies.

In the modern world we have to realize the importance of offshore clients.  No matter what your field is, there is now and in the future there will be an increasing number of clients hailing from offshore locations that want to do business with you and you better be ready to handle that.

The company that I work for relies mainly on offshore contracts for the majority of its contracts.  We have developed a very good website that draws attention from all over the globe and this has led to me having to understand and deal with clients of all sorts of backgrounds.

Having had to deal with folks from all sorts of cultures has taught me a few lessons in sales that really should apply to selling to any client.

1.  Check your prejudices at the door.  If you have problems with other people’s race, religion, or anything else about them, then sales is not the field for you.  Having been on the receiving end of a salesperson who seemed to have a problem with my race I can tell you that even if they don’t say anything overt that the attitude does transmit itself to the client.  From a pragmatic point of view you are not only giving bad service to the client but to your employer as well.

2. Treat people with the respect that they deserve.  If they have a PhD or have some other sort of title then treat them with the respect that it merits.  These are fellow professionals making a serious inquiry.  Act accordingly.

3.  Disregard the faulty syntax.  So they may not know a particular word in English or their grammar may not be so great.  So what?  Who learned a foreign language and tried to communicate using it?  not you.

4.  Don’t fake it.  I had a colleague who would try to greet foreign clients in their own language by googling appropriate greetings.  Mixed results at best.  If you don’t know then don’t try it.  You will look foolish or you may even end up offending them.

5.  Somewhat related to the last point, what do you do when you get an inquiry in a foreign language that you don’t understand?  Answer back in English.  Again you don’t speak their language.  You could try online translators and risk making errors or hiring foreign language specialists to translate responses although that gets expensive.  Ultimately I think your best will be to answer back in your own tongue.  If the company gets enough business in that language then maybe they might want to consider hiring a foreign speaker to handle sales for that market.

6.  Keep away from all politics or anything that is not related to the business at hand.  You’re not the State Department and you’re not here to sell politics or your personal opinions.  You’re here to do a deal.  If they’re the ones persisting in trying to bring it up then deflect the subject back to business.  That’s all that both sides should be focused on.

Basically it all comes down to respect.  Not only is it polite manners but it helps to bring across the idea that despite any differences in distance or culture that you are truly interested in helping the client achieve his goals.

 

 

 

Posted in: business, relationships

The spat

February 20, 2014 6:25 AM , 2 Comments ,

Things aren’t always going to go well in your life and relationships.  Whether it’s friends, family, or even significant others, from time to time you will disagree with people in your life.  Sometimes it will be a small difference of opinion and sometimes it will be as though you never really knew this person.  How you handle it depends on the other person but it also depends on you.  Is it a matter that you are willing to lose a relationship over or is it something where compromise can be reached?

Firstly define the parameters of the disagreement.  Is this something close to your heart or to theirs?  Ask some unobtrusive and non-committal questions about the subject.  Try not to come down for or against the subject.

Let’s assume that it’s a minor topic to both of you.  Is there a possibility of just letting this lie?  Is it really worth the trouble to “iron out”  If it’s a small matter it is usually best to let this alone and sit in the background.  We are all entitled to our own opinions after all.

If it is something close to their heart, is it something that you can skirt around or something that doesn’t affect your interaction with them?  One thing to understand is that this other person has a different life experience than your own.  For whatever reason this topic is important to that person.  Maybe if they explained it to you, you would come to see it in a different light.

If it is something close to your heart then the advice is reversed.  Try to explain your position to them and see if you can bridge the gap.  Let them know why you feel the way you do.  Maybe you will convert them to your point of view, maybe not.

Now comes the hard part.  Something important to both of you where you hold polar opposite views.  This is where family fights begin, friends are lost, and relationships are sundered.  Here you must remember why you like this person in the first place.  Neither side is likely to change their views but the effort must be made.

The two important things to remember is that there is a reason why the other person holds the opinion that they do and that you like interacting with this person for some reason.  Maybe the reason that they hold these views on this topic are not a good reasons, maybe they are.  You need to find out those reasons.  Closing your mind and not attempting to understand will not make things better.  Reaching out and communicating is the best course of action.

Remember, not everything will run smoothly all the time.  Differences of opinion exist in all relationships.  But I think it’s these differences that make relationships special and unique.

Posted in: friends, life in general, relationships, talking

Dating do’s and don’t s

February 6, 2014 6:35 AM , 1 Comment ,

 

Truthfully I don’t remember what this post was supposed to be about.

I recall that I had an idea in the shower about a week ago.  I had several other things to attend to so I penned a short note in the blog and forgot about it.  Now that I’ve come back to it the note says:

“dating do’s and don’t:  mostly I don’t”

Not too clear.  However it’s on the list and since we’re near Valentines day I might as well write something about dating and get that semi-obligatory post out-of-the-way.

Right, so taking a cue from the note, mostly I don’t date.  Introverted and shy are not the best combination to work with as far as dating goes so that’s a handicap even before coming out of the gate.  However, even a broken clock is right twice a day so I’ve picked up the odd date here and there (some odder than the rest).  So here are some first date tips and hard-won lessons from memories of those dates from long, long ago.

 

…(long ago)

 

Do’s

  • Establish that this is going to be a date.  In most cases you don’t have to blurt out “This is going to be a date, right?”  But sometimes it’s needed.

Pro tip:  Start with something like “Do you want to go out on a date?”  Pretty unmistakable intention right there.

  • Know something about your date.  Not knowing that your date is vegan and taking them to a steak place is not advisable.  I mean I get it that you just met this person like a week ago and haven’t had any in-depth conversations and all but I think that might be a good detail to know?

Obviously something attracted you to this person so why not do a little research first?  Just don’t be too creepy and carry around a clipboard with a list of questions.

  • Confidence.  Dates can smell fear.  You must be relaxed yet assertive.  Cool but not cold.  Self assured yet not arrogant.  Act like that movie cool actor you saw in that movie (whatever that movie was) that you liked.

Just don’t quote lines from the movie verbatim and if you do, make sure that it’s not a movie that your date knows.

  • Have something in common.  Going out with someone just because they’re good-looking will usually be very boring.  The conversation will quickly start to revolve around how good-looking they are and what they do to stay good-looking and how they like to be around other good-looking people.  After that (say about the time that the salad arrives) things pretty much go dead quiet for the rest of the evening.

Going out with someone who you have something in common will give you something to start with and usually leads to other topics of discussion so at least your date won’t be boring.

  • Dress (yes, you must wear clothes) appropriately.  Going to a heavy metal bar in business attire is usually not advisable (meaning safe) nor is meeting your date at some high society function looking like you just came from panhandling next to the 59 and Kirby underpass.

Pro tip:  Soccer moms in mini vans are the best panhandling opportunities.

Showers are amazingly effective in making your dates not run away; as is some sort of deodorant/perfume/cologne.  Just don’t go overboard.  A clean smell is preferable to smelling like a Fort Worth stockyard in mid August or like a Marseille bordello.

  •  Ending the evening.  Always try to end the evening on a positive and cordial note no matter how horribly it went.  At the very least you will gain a friendly acquaintance from the experience.

Always smile and if they apologize for a terrible evening say something like “I never did mind about the little things.”  (bonus points if you can tell me from what movie that line came from.)

(Addendum).  Not really sure what the procedure is for a successful date as it so rarely happens to me.  I can however speculate.  One thing that springs to mind is to ask for another date.  Then if you’re successful at obtaining one, try to remember what you did right the first time, then, do it again.

Don’t s

  • Don’t do something involved for the first date.  Things like going to the movies together, or sports events, or spelunking.  Things that require both parties concentration.  You want to get to know the other person the first time around not just go to another event.  Save that for down the road.

Hang out together, talk.  Some people I know have had “phone” dates and chatted on the phone for 6 hours at a time.  Other people take walks or share a drink.  If you make it an alcoholic drink keep it to a mild buzz.  You don’t want to have to rely on your date to drive you home or to hold your hair back while you kneel in front of a toilet bowl.

  • Put away the cell phone, the tablet, the beeper, or whatever.  Unless you’re like a heart surgeon or a member of SEAL team 6.  Then yes, keep that stuff on…  People are depending on you.

But really it’s just rude and you’re cheating yourself of the experience.  This is time set aside for this person not just a regular part of your routine.  Make the honest effort to make the date special.

  • Don’t get too personal on your first date.  You don’t know this person that well.  Maybe they will get scared off if you get too personal or maybe you don’t want to see them after this date and you don’t want them knowing all this stuff about you.  Keep things casual and light at first.

On the other hand if you want to get rid of them and freak them out you can tell them that you’re carrying your meth-head ex-boyfriend’s baby and that he just busted out of prison and might be in the area.

  • Don’t try to be someone you’re not.  Be yourself and don’t try to over impress on the first date.  If you do this then you have to come up with a back story to frame your over impressive self-resume and that just devolves into lying.

You have to come up with various reasons as to why your private jet isn’t working and can’t fly you to your beach house on St. Kitt’s Island and I mean have you even looked into the price for renting a private jet by the hour?  Ridiculous!

  • Sex (there, I said it).  Just put that out of your mind for the first date.  Unless there are sparks and fireworks going off all around you (and it’s not just gunfire in the distance) you won’t even reach this level of intimacy for a few dates.

Focus on other things like not coming off as creepy or desperate (see confidence up above)

  • Don’t assume anything.  Maybe the date went better than you think; maybe it was a total fiasco.  A wait and see attitude is always best.

If weeks pass by and the other person’s phone number has changed or they’ve moved without any forwarding address then yes it probably was a bad date.

The best piece of advice that I could give is to try to have a good time.  That’s the point of the date, right?  It shouldn’t be a chore or a bothersome obligation or something that you dread.  If it starts feeling like that then maybe this is a sign that this isn’t going anywhere.

Posted in: activities, dating, relationships

Social network pluses and minuses

December 18, 2013 9:26 PM , 1 Comment ,

So there I am sitting in the Commons lobby at Texas A&M in 1989.  My friend Lynn, a computer major, says “come on bill, let’s go check out the new VAX terminals”.  They had just installed a new computing center in the commons lobby for students to use the shared VAX terminals on campus.

Being a freshman I had no clue what to do but Lynn set up my account and pointed me to the talk function.  Soon I was chatting away with strangers from other universities around the country and around the world.  This was my first exposure to the social side of the internet.

This was quickly followed up by the USENET newsgroups.  Basically forums on the early internet where people talked about particular subjects.  Over time I developed friends and enemies on these groups.  Discussions became quite heated and on more than one occasion I would get carried away.  These were the legendary flame wars of the 1990s.  The passion of youth I suppose.

Years passed and the World Wide Web arose.  Social media got more sophisticated with the advent of the chat room.  Dozens and sometimes hundreds of people chatting at once, making little cliques, building friendships, just hanging out together.  In time advertisers learned about these and over time began to infiltrate bots into the rooms.  These were automated programs posing as real humans meant to advertise and sell things.  These along with the ever-present cyber bullies spelled the end of the chat rooms.

Along came the MMO.  the Massively Multiplayer Online game.  Now you not only had a name tag you had a body as well and a shared activity.  We lived lifetimes online.  We also died together and we built up close bonds.  But over time people drifted off and my time on those came to an end.

And now comes social media fully matured and developed in the form of Facebook, Twitter, and Google+.

A few things I’ve noticed during all my travels online:

  • All of these communities have a beginning, middle, and end.
  • While we are in those communities we can’t fathom ever leaving
  • The end comes abruptly and almost unexpectedly
  • When it’s time to go, it’s time to go.

I don’t know if it’s time to leave these current communities.  I will be totally honest.  I don’t get Twitter.  I’ve tried for a year and it just doesn’t click with me.  To me it’s a technology that’s at least 5 years old and very limiting.  Facebook I understand and enjoy more.  It’s pretty well-developed and has many features.  Google+…..  I looked at once and left.  I don’t doubt it’s well done but it came too late to the party.  The others rule the social media roost.

Yet, more and more often I am coming down with social media fatigue and a feeling of deja vu as if I’m just repeating the same things over and over again.  I’ve explored all aspects of these sites and I don’t see anything new to capture my attention.

It’s gotten to the point that on a whim I looked up the steps for erasing my profiles on these social media sites.  So far I don’t have any plans to carry this out but I do think that it’s telling that I looked into this.

I don’t yet see the next big thing on the net, though I don’t doubt that it’s coming.  I will probably hop on when it does arrive.  Or maybe I will go totally offline and go back to living a life without the net.

I am part of the last generation that started life in the analog world and had to adapt to life in the digital age.  The Millennials that came after me have no clue about life without the video monitor or the computer.  This is their world and it’s the world of the generations to come.

Maybe it’s time to go back to the old analog world.  After all, I lived there once before and I can do it again.

Posted in: internet, pop culture, relationships, social networks

She’s pretty but…

December 12, 2013 8:53 PM , Leave a Comment ,

I have a younger friend on a social network that sends me links of various pop culture stars and attractive women that he has contact with.

For a time I thought that he was trying to set me up with some of them but later on I think he just wanted to get my opinion on the various women that he liked.  Specially since later on he started sending me links to women in their twenties.

The thing is that yes these women were physically attractive and all but I guess over time I have learned the lesson that looks are not everything.  I have lived long enough to know that a pretty face can hide some ugly thoughts and that when it comes down to it that looks don’t last forever and really aren’t all that important when it comes to finding a mate.

Ideally you want to wake up to a partner that you can share your life with everyday and that you can be comfortable with.  Not necessarily someone who shares all your interests and points of view but someone who is similar to you in some respects but can still surprise you from time to time.

I’ve thought about sharing this bit of wisdom with my young friend but I have refrained for two reasons.  Firstly, I’ll be honest,  some of these women are very attractive.  But mostly I think that this is a lesson that he has to learn on his own.  Sure, I can relate this wisdom to him but I’m sure he will either not listen to me or he will feel that he’s still young and has a right to experience life on his own terms.  In that respect and as long as he understands the consequences, I fully support him.

Posted in: life in general, relationships

Endearments and PDA

December 6, 2013 7:17 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I’m walking in a mall (it happens) and there’s a couple out in front of me.  Holding hands, walking slowly, stopping every few feet to look at something or other in a shop window.  Generally just blocking my path.

I’d go round but I’m carrying a two bags full of gifts and the traffic both ways is ridiculous.  So I’m stuck.  I inadvertently hear some of their conversation and it’s laced with endearments.

“honey”

“babe”

“sweetie”

“pookie bear”

Then they stop and kiss.  Finally I catch a break and I can speed round.

I don’t know where you fall on the whole endearments issue, pro or con.  Generally I fall on the pro side of the issue though not to that level of public display of affection (PDA).  I mean PDA is fine but don’t go way overboard like this couple was.

I mean come on guys, a little perspective and situational awareness.  This is a crowded suburban mall in Houston, Texas.  Not the Pont des Arts in Paris.  I think there is a time and place and an acceptable level of PDA out there for everyone.  But some people forget all that and like to take it too far no matter where they are.

I’ve seen couples do….well.  Let’s just say it wasn’t appropriate for the situation and the situation that they were in.

As to endearments, while I generally fall on the pro side, I think we need to be aware that some words do have multiple connotations and that if you use the wrong word or over use a word then the other person may take offense to it.

“Babe” for example.  Some might feel that this term objectifies and/or belittles a partner.  Specially if it is repeated often and in public.  While the actual intent might be affectionate in nature it may not come off sounding that way to the other person.  The other person may in fact think you are belittling them.

I think it’s something that couples have to discuss at some point of their relationship and not in a confrontational manner but in a way that helps both parties know where they stand on such an issue.  Knowing these things helps couples get closer together rather than driving them apart.

 

Posted in: relationships

Princes and Princesses

November 26, 2013 8:49 AM , Leave a Comment ,

[Author’s note:  this is an edited version of a journal post that I wrote in 2010]
Sub cultures are interesting if just for the reason that they describe the way people attempt to deal with their immediate surroundings and circumstances by forming coalitions amongst themselves.  Using outward symbols such as speech, dress, and behavior help bind these groups together and set them apart.  The need to belong to something, even if it is a small sub cultural group, is strong in humans.  In ancient times this may have led to the beginnings of clans and tribes

Some people however delve deeper into their sub-culture.  They eat, live, breathe the culture and without it they would figuratively cease to exist.

In the American lexicon there exists the expression “Jewish American princess”.  Typically it refers to a shallow, materialistic, young female (Jewish in this case) that is distinct enough to categorize.  Generally it is thought of as an offensive term though some take pride in the label.  These young ladies will generally band together to share their thoughts, dress alike, talk alike, gossip, make plans, and generally just hang out together.  To some extent their world view is shaped by their self-identity and they will generally scorn or eschew anything or anyone that contradicts that.  Whereas others might put away this identity for leisure time they live this identity all the time.

At first I thought this to be a unique circumstance but looking around you begin to realize the term prince or princess can be applied to any individual that is so subsumed, so deep into their sub culture to the exclusion of all other things, that in a sense nothing else exists.  The self-identity affects not only the outward appearance but also in their speech and their thought process.

In Texas for example you have the cowboy sub culture.  The cowboy prince or princess will generally dress in jeans or western wear for work or play.  The symbols of the sub culture show up in every aspect of their lives.  The boots, that hat (though most save these for social occasions), the music, the food, even the vehicle (pick up trucks or full size trucks) are all relics of that sub culture.  But the changes are not just outward but inward as well.  Their point of view favors more rural attitudes, more traditional opinions as to social issues, and derision of anything that does not conform to the lifestyle.

Goths princes are another good example.  They tend to be more urban, they favor certain types of clothes, certain music and ideas.  Again, they tend to scorn things outside of their world view.

But sub-cultures are not solely limited to choices of music or clothes.  Just about every aspect of human endeavor can be sub-culturized.  I have seen sub-cultures based around computers, the Air Force, fitness, religion, science, wine, boats, cars, even blogging.  Just about anything you can name has a sub-culture.  Of course in all of these you will find the princess and princesses.

Although I’ve taken an interest in various sub-cultures I was never able to fully integrate into any sub culture as deeply as one of these individuals.   I could never take that final step and say I will fully and totally join in to the exclusion of all other things.  It’s something that I was always leery of but also envied to an extent.

I should explain that last part.  When you fully take on that sub culture you know what you’re about.  The parameters of your world are fully developed and you know how far you can safely wander away and how to get back to safety.  I imagine that this is comforting to some people.

But it comes at a price.  You artificially limit yourself.  Not only is your individuality compromised but there is no room to grow beyond the parameters of that sub-culture.

My individuality was always more important to me.  I could not allow that to fade into the background of a sub-culture.  I could also not limit myself to a limited pattern of thought.  I cannot claim to be totally unbiased but such an artificial limit on my mind is unacceptable.

I chose a life outside the sub-cultures.  But there is a price to be paid by those of us that walk outside the lines.

Posted in: culture, life in general, relationships

someone special

October 23, 2013 8:00 PM , Leave a Comment ,

Traveling alone can be fun.  At times.  But honestly it’s not something that can work out for an entire vacation.

In the same way living my life alone is not something that I look forward to.  This was one of the topics on my mind through a good part of my trip.  Although my parents are not in the best physical shape, they have each other and they have a dedicated family network to look after them.  Something that I do not have at the moment.

Yet physical security in my old age is not by itself a good reason to look for someone special.  It’s a bonus of a life lived with someone you care about.

I can make it through by myself for the next 40 or 50 years of life that I have left.  I’ve no doubt about that.  Life has thrown all sorts of challenges at me and I have not only survived but prospered, to a degree.  But yet it seems to me that it would not be the best of lives without someone to share it with.

This doesn’t mean that I intend to look for just anyone to share my life with.  Decisions made out of desperation are terrible decisions.  I do however intend to make a greater effort in this part of my life.

I haven’t actively pursued this aspect of my life for several years.  Circumstances have come up and given me excuses not to.  I will probably have many failures in this.  But it is far too important not to try.

Posted in: friends, life in general, relationships