into it

October 27, 2013 7:03 PM , Leave a Comment ,

I’ve never been a fan of….well several things.

Math, that’s a good example.  I could, by pushing myself, extend into the realms of higher math but I never really got into it.  My problem solving skills in math are formulaic at best and I don’t have an intuitive feel for it.  As I recall my last dalliance with higher math gave me a headache back in college.

Music.  Playing I mean not listening.  I was lucky enough to go to an elementary school where music instruction was compulsory.  However that doesn’t mean I was ever any good at it.  Which is odd because I really wish that I was good at some instrument, and although I knew the keys and I could work the instrument my music always sounded mechanical and forced.  I was never able to make it flow forth as it should,

Of course there’s more examples that I could go on about but I think you get the picture.

It’s usually the way of things that if we don’t or aren’t able to commit to something that your efforts will be less than satisfactory or just plain terrible.  It’s not that I find these things difficult to do or that I don’t understand them.  I believe some mental block prevents me from doing these things the way that they should be done.  I find it irritating that I can’t.

And it’s not just skills but interests as well.  Some interests that I know I should like I can’t really get into and it’s worrisome to me that I don’t like these things while friends might.  I suppose it’s the same for friends when I go on and on about some sci-fi topic or book or tv show and they’re doing their level best not to keel over from boredom.

In some things I have to accept that I will never be that good at or be really interested in.  In others I think it’s just a matter of being exposed to it long enough to develop the skills or interests.

What’s the thing that you would like to be good at or would like to be more interested in?

Posted in: ideas, life in general, motivation

Fall

October 26, 2013 7:41 AM , Leave a Comment ,

A history professor once asked a classroom of students if they could live at the beginning, middle, or end of an empire, which would they choose?

So would they live at the beginning of the empire when things are just beginning to grow and everything is fresh and new.  Would they live in the middle of the empire when things are at the height of development.  Or would they live in the final days of an empire when things are deteriorating and falling apart and they have to try desperately to keep things from crumbling.  The idea being that depending on their answer that this would give a better insight into that person’s view of life.

In the same vein I ask people, which season do they prefer?  Things like the rise and fall of empires are a bit over the top for most people to consider but I think everyone can relate to the seasons.  Even here in Texas, where we basically just have a hot and cold season, we have some idea of what seasons are.

Personally I’ve always been a fan of Fall.

I find that Fall tends to bring out very polarizing opinions among people.  They either hate or love it but few people are noncommittal about it.

Those who love it tend to associate it with colorful leaves, cooling temperatures, and harvest season celebrations like Halloween and Thanksgiving.

Those who hate it see it as a depressing season of decay, of increasing darkness, and a preview of a hard winter.

I tend to see it as a reaffirmation of the cyclical nature of our lives and of a system of growth and regrowth.  We tend to forget that in order for something new to grow that something old has to decay and make room for it.

Traditionally Fall was the end of the year.  Time keepers decided to make December 31st the “official” end of the year but in traditional cultures it was Fall.  I tend to think of Fall as the end of the year as well.  Nature and life have once again completed a cycle begun uncounted ages ago.

In my life I have also done this as well.

My business year had its beginning in last year, continued to grow over the months and is now drawing to a close.  Some new orders will continue to come in of course but companies are already thinking of the next year.

My state of health took a particularly good turn this year.  The last couple of years have just been for getting used to exercising on a regular basis but I kept at it over the Winter.  Beginning in early January and going through the Summer I made good progress and look to expand on that as time passes.

I saw a need to make several home improvements last year and planned for it.  I made several improvements to my house over the course of the year.  Some planned, some unplanned but they are all complete now and the house in the best shape that it’s been in years.  Several things left to do of course but I look to continue on the improvements next year.

My personal life?  That needs work.  But I think I have some good ideas to move forward with.  At the very least I have the determination inside of me to keep trying.

Overall it’s been a good year.  Time to sit back with a hot cup of tea and reflect on what worked, what failed, and what can be improved.  I sit back and watch as time clears away the detritus of the old, but down deep in the earth lie the seeds of a new year.  The decay of the old year will feed the growth of the new year.  Deep below the green shoots wait patiently for Winter’s snow to melt and to burst forth again.  Deep inside of me are the plans for a better year.

Fall isn’t the end of the old empire but the beginning of the new.

Posted in: seasons

someone special

October 23, 2013 8:00 PM , Leave a Comment ,

Traveling alone can be fun.  At times.  But honestly it’s not something that can work out for an entire vacation.

In the same way living my life alone is not something that I look forward to.  This was one of the topics on my mind through a good part of my trip.  Although my parents are not in the best physical shape, they have each other and they have a dedicated family network to look after them.  Something that I do not have at the moment.

Yet physical security in my old age is not by itself a good reason to look for someone special.  It’s a bonus of a life lived with someone you care about.

I can make it through by myself for the next 40 or 50 years of life that I have left.  I’ve no doubt about that.  Life has thrown all sorts of challenges at me and I have not only survived but prospered, to a degree.  But yet it seems to me that it would not be the best of lives without someone to share it with.

This doesn’t mean that I intend to look for just anyone to share my life with.  Decisions made out of desperation are terrible decisions.  I do however intend to make a greater effort in this part of my life.

I haven’t actively pursued this aspect of my life for several years.  Circumstances have come up and given me excuses not to.  I will probably have many failures in this.  But it is far too important not to try.

Posted in: friends, life in general, relationships

keeping the habit

October 21, 2013 8:10 PM , Leave a Comment ,

One thing I was determined to do on this last vacation is to keep my exercise and diet routines going.  For the most part I was successful.

Central Park was a great aid to me in this respect while I was in the city.  The park made a tempting target to visit every day and I have to believe that the locals could run a different path in the park every day and never get bored with repetition.

Another thing I noticed is that the nature of the city encourages walking.  You may have access to subways, cabs, buses, and whatnot, but you still have to do a fair bit of walking in the city.

Back to my vacation, I was able to do a lot of hiking during the Mohonk and Sagamore portions of my vacation.  I was in fact able to top 26 miles in one days accumulated walking and running.  Quite the feat for someone who not more than 3 years ago was averaging less than a mile a day.

One thing that I wasn’t so good at was maintaining the diet.  Willpower is something I need to work on and now that I’m back in my regular life it’s time to step back into the harness and get back to my routine.

But overall I am very pleased at my health habits during this vacation.  I could have just sat around all day long but even with a nasty running accident on the second day I kept at it and didn’t slack off one bit.

For my next vacation, wherever that may be, I intend to be more disciplined and integrate even more outdoor activities.

Posted in: exercise, running, vacations

Vacation 2013: epilogue

October 20, 2013 9:47 AM , Leave a Comment ,

I am writing this in the airport terminal waiting for my flight.  In front of me is a large window facing the runways.  We had a drizzle overnight and the runways are slightly damp but the sun is out and it promises to be a nice day.  Behind me there is a hurly burly of people coming and going.  Some of my fellow passengers on their way to their own vacations, some like me returning to home.  I suppose that I should recap what conclusions or lessons that I’ve learned on this trip.  Well this trip wasn’t really about that.  This was more a reset button for my life.  A chance to disconnect from all the responsibilities of my life.  In that I was mostly successful.   But I suppose some due reflection is necessary.

Firstly some thoughts for Houston with regard to New York’s success as a major city.

Don’t be afraid to embrace other cultures or new ideas.  Every few decades a new wave of immigrants descends upon this city and they find a place to live and contribute to the city.  Don’t fret about how different they look or sound.  They will integrate eventually.

Be bold enough to invest in the city’s future. World class cities need to have big infrastructure not just to grow but to survive.  The city’s subway and bridge projects were no doubt costly undertakings but today they are essential to the city.  We should not look at such things as burdens for the short-term but as investments in the future.

Redevelop the old.  Don’t just endlessly expand outwards.  We have so many derelict neighborhoods inside the loop that we can redevelop or re purpose.  We should look to growing up not out.  Think of inside the loop as our Manhattan island.  Think of how much we could do inside that little island of land surrounded by our moat of roads.

Don’t be in a rush.  Remember that New York is hundreds of years older.  Houston will get there, but take your time.

Now I’m a few short hours away from resuming my responsibilities of life.  Both work and family responsibilities.  I am no longer as fearful about these as I was before.  I believe that I can give a good accounting of myself.  Partly because I’ve been reinvigorated by the trip but also because I have begun to understand the importance of balance in my life.

Before the trip I reasoned that I needed to focus all my energy on my family responsibilities and exclude everything else in my life.  Well I can’t do that.  Firstly because I would burn out quickly if I followed that path and wouldn’t last very long, but also because it is unfair to me as an individual.  I don’t know how well this decision will be received but I think it the sensible thing to do.

I am also thinking of the long-term more these days.  What I want to accomplish, what personal projects I have ongoing that I need to finish once and for all, and what projects I need to abandon and take those resources that I’ve invested there and refocus them on more worthwhile avenues.

Of course none of this will happen overnight but with renewed vigor I hope to make good progress on all this soon.

wake me up

Posted in: life in general, vacations

Vacation 2013 part III: The Sagamore

October 19, 2013 3:58 PM , Leave a Comment ,

If the first part of my vacation was meant for doing all the touristy things that one does in New York city, and Mohonk was for doing outdoor activities, then the Sagamore was meant for peace and quiet.

The season was over at Lake George.  Towns like Bolton’s landing live and die by the Summer tourist season and once it’s over they waste no time in shutting down.  All of the rental boats were being coocooned away in plastic wrap, some stores had shut down for the year and even the restaurants were only open for dinner.  The Sagamore itself had a somewhat empty feel about it.  Less than half the rooms were occupied and all the lakeside activities had been suspended for the year.  Which was fine for me since I’ve never really been a fan of para-sailing, water skiing, or snorkeling.  The hotel takes up most of an island and I was in a free-standing lodge which looked like a small condominium.  Out of the 4 suites, I was the only one there.

I was determined to take time to reflect on my life, to think, to just quietly contemplate.  The solitude and quiet I felt would be conducive to this.  Thee problem with this is that contemplation really never starts and stops on command.  I felt it was too quiet.

The next day I decided to remedy this with a trip north of the border.  Surely Canada could be inspirational.  Crossing over was uneventful.  They did the standard customs stuff and had a drug dog sniff around the car.  Canada, or Quebec in this case was all farmland.  The signs were in french, the speed limits in kilometers per hour, and I soon got bored and turned round.  That’s when the problems began.  I flashed my passport to the American agent at the border.  She was puzzled as to why I had crossed over just to look around.  I was sent to an interrogation room.  In the waiting room sat a man who looked to be middle eastern or maybe north African.  He looked depressed.  I think he knew that he was going to be turned back.  An agent led him off somewhere.

Three agents came in.  Two of them took up tactical stances at my 3 and 9 o’clock positions with their hands on their batons.  I think they expected me to put up a fight.  The lead agent looked over my ID, rifled through my credit cards and money, and questioned me repeatedly about my trip.  For some reason they thought it bizarre that anyone would want to travel alone or that I was just sightseeing.  They kept asking me the same questions over again, trying to trip me up or to cause me to get angry and to give them a reason to hold me.  The lead agent kept on saying “this doesn’t make sense to me” while the female agent kept saying this “smells fishy to her”.

Fortunately I had seen the same cop shows they had watched and I had probably seen the shows that those shows were based upon so I recognized the good cop bad cop routine.  The lead agent asked me if I wanted to incriminate myself and make it easier for myself.  I said no since I had done nothing.  The female agent was exasperated and said “I’ve got nothing”.  So they let me go.  They had wasted nearly half an hour of my vacation.

The second night I sat by the lake at Sagamore and just watched the moon rise over the hills, the air was crisp and cold, the waves lapped gently on the dock.  I was at peace.

The last day was totally unplanned.  I got in the car and drove north along the lake shore.  Every inch of lake shore had either a hotel or someone’s million dollar home on it.  As I drove, torrential downpours of gold, orange, and brown leaves cascaded down and increased my calm.

Around lunch time I found a rustic roadside tavern and had a very nice french onion soup and sandwich.  I found I was near Fort Ticonderoga and looked around the place.  Some very nice demonstrations and the place was well looked after.  Went back to the Sagamore for a massage appointment.  This took out some of the knots in my back from all the driving.  Had a nice Salmon dinner (when you have a good piece of fish you don’t need to add any fancy sauces or condiments).

The Sagamore is probably a very nice place but it’s a Summer place.  You need to go there to enjoy the lake more than anything else.  It did its job and provided the calm that I was looking for.  I just wasn’t all that receptive to it.

Posted in: borders, thought, vacations , Tagged: ,

Vacation 2013 part II: Mohonk mountain magic

October 17, 2013 7:40 PM , 3 Comments ,

I should back up slightly in my narrative and go back to Monday morning.  I took a cab to the car rental place but got dropped about a block away.  A parade was in progress so off I went on foot, dragging my luggage.  The car I wanted (a Dodge Challenger) was not available so I had to grudgingly settle for a Camaro RS.  Big deal, right?  well it did turn out that way.  About an hour later, a hands free phone rings as I’m driving down the road.  The rental agent had left her cell phone in the car and I had to drive all the way back to return it.  2 Hours of my vacation wasted.  I finally got on with my trip North.  I went through Sleepy Hollow and was somewhat disappointed to find it nothing more than a suburb of New York.
Finally I crossed the Tappan Zee bridge and was away from the city’s influence.  As I entered the Hudson river Valley the theme song from “last of the Mohicans” began to play endlessly in my head.  After a bit, I got to wondering and parked the car by the side of the road.  I looked behind a small boulder and found a tiny speaker playing the song.  “There must be millions of these” I thought to myself and kept driving up I-87.

A note on I-87.  As a tax payer I am a little peeved that a piece of the US interstate system is a toll road.  They spent the money on wonderful toll road service stations, but still.  The Camaro had a navigation system second to none and got me to New Paltz.  From there I climbed up and up a mountain till I reached the main gate.  They were serious about keeping out unwanted visitors and I had to prove my identity.  I drove round more twisting turns and reached the main house.  Mohonk mountain house is one of those old-time resorts that people like the Rockefellers and Carnegies would visit all the time.  They really played up the natural and rustic charm of the place and the world-class service.

Up close and far the building is an impressive sight.  But not as impressive as the service.  The main gate had called ahead and told them I was coming.  I was greeted by name and entered in to the reception area while my car and bags were similarly taken care of.  I arrived in time for afternoon tea and cookies and in less than five minutes after arriving I was on the back porch overlooking the lake with a ginger green tea and raspberry cookie rocking in a chair.  Until I saw the watchtower hill.  Perched on the opposite shore on a steep rocky precipice was a stone watchtower.  I tossed the cookies and tea and just about ran all the way up the hill.  I then just about tossed my cookies from running all that way up a steep hill but I made it and climbed up the tower.  I then proceeded to take pictures of everything from up there.  As I walked down the hill I reflected on the nature of the place.  I imagined generations of wealthy New Yorkers spending their summers here and bringing their kids.  Those kids would explore the house and grounds and get into all sorts of adventures.  They would form little “lord of the flies” like tribes and impose tests of courage on each other like swimming the lake at night or swearing blood brotherhood and at the end of the summer they would all swear eternal friendship, even the spoiled jock and the nerdy kid with glasses would become the closest of companions.  They would all bring their kids back years later to start the cycle again.

But I’m drifting off the story.  Dinner was a formal affair.  Coats and jackets at the very least and held in a dining hall with more wood paneling than a small national forest.  I thought the soup they served would be bland and dull but the butternut squash soup was to die for and so were the lamb shanks and the creme brulee afterwards.  I took a stroll afterwards around the grounds.  I started to get a creepy “Shining” feel about the place at this time.  The hallways were slightly dark and the grounds outside pitch black.  They had no TV service so guests made do with community movies in a lounge or conversation or reading in the library.  If you’re not into any of that the solitude of the area can be a bit creepy.  I was too tired to entertain that line of thought too long and went to bed.

Next day I was up and took an unguided hike around the grounds.  In 4 hours I had wandered most of the flat paths so I decided to take on the rough paths.  These are mainly straight down the hillsides over and under boulders.  Not extremely difficult but still somewhat dangerous.  Not for everyone, but I got this wonderful feeling of accomplishment afterwards and I suppose that is the main point of the exercise.

In the afternoon came more tea and cookies and a stroll on the main grounds.  Dinner was again, more amazing than words can describe.  I would have liked to stay another night but the place was so popular that I was only able to book 2 nights.  I packed and prepared to make my way north to Sagamore.

Posted in: hotels, vacations , Tagged: ,

Vacation 2013 part 1: A country mouse goes to Gotham

October 15, 2013 5:44 PM , 3 Comments ,

I was quite prepared to hate New York City.  As with many folks from the west, I had a somewhat prejudiced and suspicious view about anything related to the east coast.

My mind entertained thoughts of gangs running wild, rude pushy people, and sky-high prices for everything.

The trip started badly.  The flight was delayed by three hours, the pilot almost dropped us into Philadelphia due to bad weather but we finally arrived at midnight.

I next spent an hour trying to get a taxi.  I finally reached my hotel, the Hudson, around 1:30 in the morning.

The expectation I had been an empty lobby with a sleepy clerk barely awake.  This was totally wrong.  Cabs were going in and out, people were still going out and there was a waiting line at the front desk.  I got my room key and went up and found the tiniest of hotel rooms.  Who cares?  I was exhausted and went right to sleep.

I woke up five hours later.  Central park beckoned.  I asked for directions and ran out there.  A sort of mecca for runners.  I passed by the homeless people on Columbus square and started out.  Not too different from home.  Then came the hills and vales.  One in particular went up and up and up.  Then there is the lack of reference points for new people.  The run seemed to go on forever.  But finally I saw Columbus square again.

Saturday was mainly Comic con.  I will cover that another day but I did get to reconnect with Felicia Day.  She is still wonderfully low-key even after all her success and fame.

Sunday started out bad.  I slipped and banged my knee hard in central park.  My mobility was cut but I was determined to get some things done.  I checked on my car rental, and then on a whim I went into a subway entrance.  I had originally planned to visit Coney Island but with my knee damaged that appeared to be out of the question.  I just wanted to check out the subway.  As it happened I had wandered into the right subway by pure chance.  So I went to Coney Island by accident.  Ate a hot dog at Nathan’s, watched people walk the boardwalk and do other beach related activities.

On the way back I stopped at Zuccoti park and the 911 memorial.  Went back to my hotel and rested.

After dinner I wandered the streets and again by accident wound up in times square.

One thing I noted was how polite New yorkers actually are.  Maybe they understand that living in a big city that you will bump into strangers and apologizing is just a good policy.  The other thing is that they were quite willing to help out a stranger.

Monday was packing and getting ready to leave the city.  One last trip to the American museum of natural history.

I drove north to Sleepy Hollow.  Somewhat disappointed.  It’s more a suburb of new york now.

I crossed the Tappan zee bridge and left new york city behind.

Posted in: running, vacations , Tagged: , , ,

time alone or time with friends

October 11, 2013 7:00 PM , 1 Comment ,

I generally like to explore things by myself.  Whenever I get the opportunity to take trips or go to new places or experience new things I usually do it alone.

I never know how the experience will go and I like to be flexible enough to change my plans at the spur of the moment, not as easy when traveling with someone else.

But see, that’s wrong.

The best trips I’ve had and the most fun that I’ve had has always been with other people.  In either groups or with someone else.  Sharing experiences seems to double or even quadruple the fun I experience.  Getting my own point of view as well as another person’s point of view provides me with an undefinable quality, something that I can’t mimic or recreate on my own.

The opportunities in life to do or see new things, and travel to new locations are diminishing as I age.  My responsibilities are such that time off is invaluable and has to be spent wisely.

My new outlook on life is that after I return from this vacation that I will do the best I can to reach out to friends and give up some of that valuable alone time that I treasure and spend it with them.

Posted in: friends, life in general

redressing the balance

October 9, 2013 8:34 PM , 1 Comment ,

I have been making some severe adjustments to my life lately  but I think I am getting a handle on them.

Going from a model which was centered on just my life to being a care giver has been stressful to say the least.  I wanted my forties to be a time of making improvements to my life, to get ahead, and to move my retirement plans forward and suddenly I got saddled with new responsibilities.

I honestly did not see how I could manage it all.  My thoughts were that my plans were totally ruined and had to abandon every hope and dream that I had.  I will admit to some desperation on my part.

But as is usually the case, when the worst thing you can imagine happens, it’s not as bad as it seems.  Life hit me hard this year but it did not finish me off.  I was able to hold on by my fingernails and by someone who bolstered me when I needed bolstering.

I am not going to move forward as planned originally.  That path is closed to me.  But then again neither am I going to move forward if I sit around feeling sorry for myself or being wistful for the old plan.  I have to embrace the new situation as is and plot a new route for myself.

Adjustments will have to be made and some have already been made.  Things are going to get better and not all of the old plan has been scrapped.  Some things in my life plan  I refuse to give up on.  They may not work out as I hope, and in fact it may be hopeless but I am not giving up on them.

I have only one real strength in life and that’s my stubborn nature.  I have to go with that strength and let it lead me forward.  That strength will let me find a new balance in my life.

Posted in: family, life in general