The legendary comedy series “Arrested Development” is returning after a 7 year hiatus to the internet. For those that don’t know, this series follows the mishaps of a rich California family and how they deal with losing their wealth. The story will pick up years later with what happened to the characters after the last episode in 2006.
This set me to wondering about the original situation that started the series. How would someone else have handled the situation? In the original series George Bluth Sr, the CEO and patriarch of the family, is arrested for embezzling, fraud, and ‘light’ treason. The series continues as Michael, the middle son, tries to clear his father’s name and revive the family fortunes.
The government has frozen most of the family assets, and the family and business reputation are now somewhat worthless. They need to move the spotlight off them and get a new business leader that can take the reins and move them back to prosperity. In the series they pick Michael, but let’s say they go another route and trust an outsider to help them out.
First thing is to list the remaining assets and list all the liabilities:
Assets:
- A business. Somewhat inefficient, partly paralyzed due to the frozen bank accounts, and full of George Bluth cronies but still viable.
- A model home. Lacking plumbing, but structurally sound
- A frozen banana stand. Located in Newport Beach (although unknown to you, there is always money in the banana stand)
Liabilities:
- The family. Unbelievably corrupt, self centered. They are their own worst enemies. As board members and majority stockholders they are also your bosses. Keeping them happy is your biggest challenge.
We obviously need working capital. Your options are somewhat limited as you don’t have much to sell and your employees won’t work without paychecks. As a CEO not related to the family your reputation should help secure working capital in the form of a bank loan. Use the banana stand and/or the model home as collateral.
The business is your lifeblood. You need to get started building and selling homes. Luckily the real estate bubble is still underway (this was set in 2003) and prices keep going up. You have a piece of land that the Bluths planned to turn into a luxury neighborhood (Sudden Valley). Start by repurposing this into a starter home neighborhood and selling cheap tract housing.
Damage control. The Bluth name is worthless. The company needs a new name and identity. Renaming the company from The “Bluth Company” to the “Blue Company” will help disassociate from that tarnished reputation. In addition you can leverage the blue man group popularity to kick off the opening of a new neighborhood. Jessie the publicist can be used for this.
You need to sort out some of the financial mess that George Sr. made. Hire an outside group of forensic accountants to go through all the various transactions. George Sr. hid money in various international and domestic accounts and you desperately need that money. They will eventually find all the embezzling that the company accountant, Ira Gilligan, was involved in.
Get rid of Kitty Sanchez. Not only is she George Sr’s chief confederate and lover but she is mentally unstable and pretty useless as an assistant anyways.
The legal mess will also have to be addressed. Barry Zuckerkorn obviously has to go. Wayne Jarvis is the most professional and least corrupt of all the attorneys that the Bluths know. He can work on settling the blame for most of the embezzling on Gilligan and forcing the government to make its case for ‘light treason’ or withdrawing the charges. However you don’t want George Sr. out too soon. He will try to take control back again. Keep him in jail but make sure the press knows he is fighting the charges. Jessie again.
You will need more land to keep building homes. Uncle Oscar’s lemon grove would be ideal except for tanks rolling through it all the time. Some discussions with the local army base commander and with your local government representatives may get this problem resolved. This acquisition would attract interest from more potential investors to expand construction.
The family. Your biggest headache. They could quickly vote you out on a whim. Keep them happy. As they were already skimming funds from the company, put them on the payroll. Their social security numbers should be on file. Issue them all W-2’s and claim them as employees. With a steady source of income coming from you for doing nothing they will be less inclined to revolt.
But can they be useful? Let’s briefly take a look at them.
Michael. Already on the payroll. Very competent and well educated. He is a solid asset except when he gets entangled with family matters.
Lindsay. A self proclaimed liberal, she likes holding charity drives to boost her image in the eyes of her peers. Fairly useless, though she could be realtor if properly motivated.
Gob. Extremely lazy. He can run meetings and make presentations provided that the presentation is written out for him. Fairly easy to manipulate.
Buster. Not moronic as is widely assumed. He has finished college and has done some graduate level work (although this may be due to the largess of the family). He is very easy to manipulate and responds well to kindness
Tobias. Not an actual Bluth but still a stockholder. I suppose as a doctor (analrapist) that he is intelligent but he is pursuing an unrealistic dream of being an actor
The kids. Maeby and George Michael. Little to no value as far as the company is concerned. Let them be kids.
Lucille. The most dangerous one of all. She could fire you in an instant or just as well try and manipulate the company away from you. An alcoholic. Keep her happy and buzzed as much as possible. Above all stay away from her as much as you can.
George Sr. As discussed he would try to regain control of the company. If you can build a trust with him by making him think you are trying to get him out of jail he may reveal some things that you need to know about the secret bank accounts.
Uncle Oscar. Useful only for his lemon grove.
Once you have passed the initial emergency and the SEC has lifted some sanctions against the company you can begin trading shares in the company again. Line up some outside investors. Lucille Austero or Uncle Jack for example. With some manipulation you can get minor shareholders like Buster, Lindsay, Tobias, and Gob to sell their shares.
Once you have a solid majority in the boardroom you can engineer the ouster of Lucille as Chairwoman. Once that is achieved you can push forward a merger with Sitwell Enterprises and receive a golden parachute as you see the real estate crash coming and don’t want to get caught in that mess.
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